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Dave wanted to clear himself. Insecure both personally and in their marriage and devastated by the betrayal, Janet found herself unable to function. She left the house in perpetual disaster. Meals were irregular, disorderly, and unsatisfying. Though Dave wanted to follow God, he had his own problems with irresponsibility. He wanted to have family worship, but the time and atmosphere never seemed right. He wanted to find steady work, but he had back problems, and that never seemed to work out either, and Janet had developed such a jealousy that she felt insecure if he worked away from home. Needless to say, financial pressures added to their struggles. By each focusing on the other’s lack of responsibility, they both avoided their own responsibility, making their problem worse. 3. Lack of communication. This problem is compounded by the hurried pace of the modern age. Husbands and wives rush in the morning, rush through the day, rush through supper, rush away for the evening, rush home, and rush to bed. Hurry increases misunderstandings as it decreases the opportunities to discuss them. It is unfair to any marriage to regularly let the problems of the day accumulate until bedtime and then try to resolve them. Worse, some couples don’t even try to resolve their problems. Married life becomes an existence in the same quarters, a place where communication is seldom deeper than hello and good-bye. While lack of communication is harmful to the whole marriage, the wife generally notices it first and minds it most. A wife needs to hear the sound of her husband’s voice; she needs to have the assurance of her husband’s full attention. When a husband is uncommunicative, his wife feels insecure and left out. When he does not give her his full attention, she feels unimportant. The husband tends to respond to these feelings by reasoning with her from his own perspective, claiming she is assuming things unfairly, or that she needs to relax and quit being so emotional. He may be correct that she is assuming wrongly, but he is wrong in believing this is simply her problem. A wife’s communication needs are often different from her husband’s, and he is responsible for meeting her needs. Sometimes this means setting a slower pace, sometimes it means missing the evening newspaper, and 42 | Loaves & Fishes • Issue 32


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