Do you Speak Emoji? By Jenny Ellis ���������������������������������������������������������������������������������� Hours Mon-Thurs 12-9pm Sat 12-10pm Sun 1-9pm 10OFF % Entire Bill with coupon TYBEE BEACHCOMBER | JULY 2017 23 Grocery lines, stop signs, and yes, even potty breaks. You whip it out and take a peek. I’m talking about Facebook, you sicko. What’s going on in your Facebook world this hour? Through the thick digital jungle of the political shitstorm, adorable animal videos, and eye-watering America’s got Talent victories, there they are, you’re “Friends.” Whether you know them for real or just know of them, we have all sorts of Facebook friends in our lives. The co-worker you wonder if they saw your hookie post, the Auntie that comments on everything and within seconds of posting, the ex-stalker that lurks and tries to “like” something before your new girlfriend does, “the over-sharer” friend that makes you cringe with paragraphs of cry-for-helps, the enthusiastic gym-rat showing pics of muscles in incriminating positions, the instigator that LOVES to share the political post to start days’ worth arguments with people who don’t have day jobs, and the list goes ON AND ON. Regardless of which Facebook friend you are or have, we all have to deal with the uncomfortable burden of acknowledgment. Of course we all have the option to keep scrolling, but where is the fun in that? For those of you who are the “no comment” type, you have the option of 7 Emoji’s of Acknowledgement: Like, Love, HaHa, Yay, Wow, Sad, & Angry. While the whole world was waiting for the “unlike” button or the “don’t give a F” button, (according to Facebook, they picked more positive Emojis that would support good vibes only), these 7 Emojis are what you have to work with. But when is it appropriate to use an Emoji to represent your deep, complex emotional inner being? People have asked me, should they “like” or comment, let’s say, if someone is going to the hospital? If someone has died? What about during wedding season, how many hearts am I going to give away? How many more Awwws can I write when there is another sweaty, way too intimate gym selfie? Here are a few examples of appropriate Facebook manners; try to practice people! 1. The “SUCK IT TREBECK” Post. This post would consist of a tropical beach vacation picture for all your day jobbers to drool over during afterlunch potty breaks (do the girls that sit near the bathrooms a favor and give a curiosity flush). Another example of this type of post is a brand new Mercedes Bends with a giant red bow on it. I would encourage you to use your emoji free will, comment & like away! Even if the Mercedes makes you angry, keep it classy Tybee. The “Heart,” “Yay!” “HaHa,” etc. are great for this type of post. Refrain from comments such as, “Who did you screw to get the car and vacay?”- not nice. Celebrate other’s wins, you sarcastic sicko! 2. The “Cry For Help” Post. Ugh. Where. Do. I. Start. I personally don’t understand this type of post, airing your dirty laundry online. I prefer to keep it in the hamper until it overflows and only show the cool things in my life, so it appears perfect (you do it too). But, in speaking with a friend that constantly is a cry-for-help poster, he says, “If you’re really my friends, you don’t just get the good times, you get the uncomfortable shit too.” More power to ya!! The “Why can’t I find Love” post, “Another rejection post,” the “I need a job post.” Common themes of this frequent commenter consist of the heart emoji or “This too shall pass,” or “You can do it” statements. Warning: if you plan on commenting, be prepared to comment back and forward until someone dies. My solution for this type of commenter: Take them out for a drink and try to experience real life. They’ve just been home alone too long. 3. The “Informative” Post. The unfortunate digital obituary, the death post. Use your discretion based on the depth of knowing the person or family affected. A “like” is a very generic acknowledgment, be careful to use this if you were not close or if you didn’t get along; it could be taken as you actually like it that they died, even if you really do like it. If you use the “HaHa” or “Yay!” emoji, you really are a sicko-monster! WTF is wrong with you? A simple “heart” or “sad” or “sorry for your loss” comment is most appropriate with this type of post. Don’t overwhelm with texts how you saw the Facebook post, that’s why they posted it, so the family could have real life time without answering calls or texts. Now that you’re certified in Advanced Facebook Etiquette, I’ll be watching all over the Tybee Beachcomber’s Facebook page to make sure you sickos are practicing! Happy Scrolling. 18C Tybrisa St. 912.499.4178
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