Check out a potential new house or let us sell yours. Stop by one of our three offices for a free local Property List. Email: sales@spc21.com Web: www.spc21.com 802 1st St, Tybee Island – 912-786-5466 205 Johnny Mercer Blvd, Savannah – 912-897-4448 32 Bull St, Savannah – 912-349-1380 TYBEE BEACHCOMBER | SEPT 2017 23 It was the end of my shift, around 4pm on a Friday afternoon in late spring. I was the only server there at the time, so it was all on me. It was that last half hour when you just wanna get outta work with no drama. You know, no 14 tops and no drunken angry families. Just nice and quiet so you can ease out the door and go home. It was not to be for me this day. It started with a group of 9, rather buzzed from day drinking, walking in and ordering shots. I usually detest anything over a 5 top, just because it gets confusing. Splitting up checks is a huge pain with drunk people. However, to my delight, these guys were super cool and easy to deal with. They put a few tables together on our patio and things went smoothly. Then, after I took their order and put it in, I got another table. My second table started with a nice young couple. I brought them menus and they informed me they had 3 more on the way. Cool, I’ll make some money on my way out today! The rest of them showed up a few minutes later. An older couple I assessed to be the parents, and last but not least, the VERY intoxicated Grandma. She jumped right in, let me tell you. They all ordered beers and Granny “danced” to me behind the bar, informing me in no uncertain terms that “Her 62-year old boobs were still firm!” While privately I disagreed, I politely told her that regardless of their firmness, she couldn’t be behind the bar. As she shuffled back to her family, my relief server walked in. She looked perplexed at the situation, and a bit amused. I dropped off the drinks and took their order. About this time the food for my other table started coming up and I started running it outside. Granny was intrigued. She followed me outside and quickly decided she would have much more fun with this 9 top of strangers than she was with her own family. “Bring my food out here honey! Its dead in there, I’m hanging out with this party outside! Bring me another beer!” Oh dear God... I was pretty much lost at this point. Granny’s family didn’t seem to mind the sudden peacefulness of their table, and actually said, “Well, It is her vacation.” On the other hand, my big table was very amused with Granny, taking pictures with her and twirling her around their table. Cool, maybe everything will work out. Then right before her food came up, I was taking her 3rd beer to her in the 20 minutes she had been there. I walked outside to see her aforementioned 62-year old boobs bare and covering this table full of her cackling new friends. I was mortified, but really, what could I do? I got her to cover up and ran inside to get her food, thinking maybe it would sober her up a bit. In the meantime, my newly arrived colleagues were behind the bar, laughing hysterically. I delivered the food, ran inside, and put my face in my hands, just to breathe for a second. Then I heard a disgusted scream from the patio. Filled with dread, I went to check on it. Granny was puking. Granny was puking everywhere. Not on her table, mind you, but on the 9 perfect strangers’ table, WHILE THEY WERE EATING! Glorious! I’m gonna get a great tip now! This was the straw that finally got Granny’s family’s attention … and they came to get her. TOO little, TOO late. I just resigned myself to defeat at that point and went inside to start splitting up this poor big table’s check. I was completely shocked by their reaction. I expected them to demand a discount, but no. They loved every minute of it! Every one of them tipped me at least $10. They were all in awe of how well I handled it. Awesome, I guess? Cherry on top: Granny was reunited with her family inside. My co-workers were rolling on the floor in laughter. I was closing out my checks from the 9 top. I had given her a cup of water and a wet rag to clean up with. Then she ordered another beer. I laughed out loud. Are you serious? “Ma’am, you just stripped and vomited on a table of strangers. You are not getting another beer from this restaurant today.” I dropped off their bill and washed my hands of it. She was openly cursing my name and weeping, but hey, I was happy to get any tip at all from outside and just wanted to get out of there. They paid and her grandson asked me for a word on the vomit-stained patio. Not knowing if I was gonna get punched or yelled at, I walked out there with him. He thanked me for being the bad guy, said no one can say no to Granny, and they appreciated it, and then he handed me $30 as a tip. I made $120 on those last two tables. Serving... By Joey Goralczyk
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