Diving Into the Shallow End of the Dating Pool A Series of Hope, Despair & Laughter Pirates Ahr Coming! Patients Are Our Top Priority! Enter to win a "Pirate Parade Pack for Two" contest for every visit to Tybee Teeth until Pirate Fest!! TybeeTeeth.com 1018 US Hwy 80 �� Tybee Island �� 912-786-9433 Writer’s BLOCK This month’s featured writer is Tybee’s own Ron Goralczyk. If you haven’t met Ron, you seriously need to get out more. Ron owns and operates Breezy Riders, our premiere taxi service on Tybee. Ron (along with son Joey) writes our infamous Taxi Tales each month, along with Breezin’ Around. We love your stories Ron. Thanks for your contributions. Most Important Questions of Life: Tybee Life: Six years When I grow up I want to be: I want to be the lead singer of Nickelback (seriously) My passion: Breezy Riders My Spirit Animal: A raccoon because they are nocturnal and eat out of dumpsters TYBEE BEACHCOMBER | OCT 2017 11 Having survived a rather dull marriage, followed by years of what I what I thought was cool, but in hindsight was stupid, I now find myself in my mid-forties with a screaming libido and living on an island that has really not produced any kind of suitable dating pool from which to hunt and gather. Granted, I love the natives! I just am not willing to hop in the sack with any of them. Except one … well two, but it would be a bad idea. My main problem is I have been alone for so long that I am firmly entrenched in my ways. It is going to have to be someone pretty spectacular to get me off the couch when Game of Thrones is on. What am I saying? Only Jon Snow could get me off the couch when GOT is on. Sigh. With all that being said, I have been out of the dating pool for so long I honestly have no clue what to do. In my day, there was no social media (thank you God from the very bottom of my soul) and you met at a bar or through friends and went from there. Now, it’s all about online dating sites or Facebook. Then you have to Google people, check out the sex offender registry in that person’s neighborhood and hire a private investigator to do a background check to make sure you aren’t dating someone that wants to wear your skin (aka Ed Gein) or steal all of your savings. There is something to be said for jumping in the sack with a native!! My first foray into making even an iota of contact came in the form of Facebook (natch) and it was a friendly ‘hello’ from this guy in Maryland. I can handle a ‘hello’ and it also helps that you are four states away from me (I loathe dropper-inners and I don’t care if you are Jon Snow). Well, he took that ‘hello’ and ran with it. Before I knew what was going on, he was telling me his wife had died and he had two young girls and wanted a serious relationship with a marriage minded woman. YIKES!!! He also liked long walks in the forest and telling his special someone he loved her deeply. Long walks in the forest? Who the hell does that unless they are planning on walking out of there alone? Yep. Broke his heart in under 10 minutes. Next up was my Nigerian Warlord. Unbeknownst to me at the time, this guy (who is probably eating a PB&J in his parents’ basement in Idaho as I write) had created a fake profile on Facebook of this really good looking Marine. “Michael” was based in Nigeria protecting America, etc. He started out with that lovely word ‘hello.’ I was down with ‘hello’ at the time so off we went. I could tell after a few back and forths that this guy was not right. As expected, he asked me for my account information almost immediately to help him get his money to his child. The military apparently stopped sending checks the month of July and his child was going to starve. I was so disappointed. I would have happily dragged that out for another month just to giggle. I told him to be patient as I was trying to get the account together. He was having none of my lies and another Facebook ‘hello’ bit the dust. Not even a week later a friend of mine knew this great guy he wanted to set me up with. Perfect match for me!! Lived at Hilton Head, single, employed, and owned a house and car. That was actually more than I was rooting for, so cool! I’m down. He friended me on FB and we started messaging. He sounded kind of ok and he wanted my telephone number so we could text instead of instant messaging. Ok. Give me a second. I actually need to smoke a cigarette and pour a stiff drink before I finish this story ... and No I am not lying. Gimme a second. Ok, so we started texting and all seemed normal. Then, out of the blue the sexting began. I can’t even tell you what he said, but believe me it is unprintable. I told him that was presumptuous as hell. However, due to my lack of experience over the last 10 years, I will totally admit that I was wildly excited. Horrified. But excited. Ok. Two days later he once again sexted me at work. Now I know its 2017 and all the cool kids are doing it, but I just can’t. I would think being born in the 1970’s didn’t make me that out of touch. Man. I just can’t. Alone is sounding super bad ass right now. There is not room enough here to explain every word that went down but I am gonna shut it down here. I said, “We are not going out on a date. I am not meeting you.” I honestly did not know what to do; I just knew that I did not want to meet this person. I promptly blocked that one from my phone and my Facebook. THAT WAS LAST WEEK!! Hold on for next month!! By Welsley Turner Franco
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