By Hollie Sessoms
18 TYBEE BEACHCOMBER | JAN 2018
By Rem
Let me start by saying that I love dogs as much as the next guy.
Actually … that’s probably not true. I wouldn’t say I love dogs. No, I
wouldn’t say that at all. But just because I don’t love dogs doesn’t mean
that I hate them. I just don’t … exactly … get the whole dog thing.
Like many things in life, I blame my brother for this. He was severely
asthmatic as a child and allergic to anything with fur and feathers, so
animals were an absolute impossibility in our house. Plus, we were a
military family and it ain’t so easy moving every three years with fourlegged
friends. I’ve tried having pets as an adult and learned quickly
that I’m not the sort of person who has any interest in feeding and
caring for anything or anyone that I did not either marry or give birth
to. Once, in a bar, I admitted to a stranger that I didn’t like dogs and
he drew back in surprise and proclaimed that I was indeed brave for
admitting that.
But it seems to many that it’s not okay for me to not be a dog
person. In this day and age, dogs are foisted upon me at all times and
places. This seems to be a relatively new phenomenon due to the rise
of “service dogs.” I get that there are people with legitimate disabilities
who need service dogs. Totally. I totally get it and I’m for that. Let me
state clearly that I am all for people who need their service dogs to help
them with certain tasks being able to bring them wherever they need to
go. But it seems that everyone needs a service dog these days. Shoot, I
bet I could qualify for a service dog. I have eczema! I need a dog to help
with my eczema! And I need to bring him with me everywhere! To hell
with you and your canine allergies, I have eczema people! Have some
sympathy for me!
Let’s say you want to take your dog to the beach, but Tybee has
a strict “No Dog” policy. Easy solution, get a Tourette’s diagnosis and
make that Chihuahua a service dog! Need to go out to lunch, but don’t
want to leave Fido at home? Anyone can have adult ADHD, all it takes
is a half dozen cups of coffee. And now, you and Fido can split some
chicken tenders at Applebees! Hemorrhoids acting up? Use it to your
advantage and get your little schnauzer certified so you two can live it
up at the mall!
I swear I see dogs in places I never did just a few years ago. I was
in the library the other day and had to endure a little Shih Tzu licking
my toes. My toes, people! I even moved over an aisle, fine I won’t read
another Neil Gaiman book this week, and the little turd followed me and
my toes, his oblivious owner reading away happily in the corner. And
do I even need to talk about the poop that doesn’t get picked up? Don’t
make me talk about the poop….
The fact is, these people with their untrained, so-called “service
dogs” are making it harder and harder for people with disabilities who
truly need a service dog to help them in their life. Fake service dogs with
little to no training, make even the most legitimate of service dogs seem
like frauds. Not to mention it makes a mockery of people with very real
disabilities who rely on their dogs to perform vital tasks for them.
And what about people with animal allergies? Are they supposed to
suffer because some people can’t bear to be away from their pets? I call
foul. So, remember, if you find yourself wanting to make Spot into a fake
service dog just so you have some company at the coffee shop, it just
may be time to find some real, human-type friends.
Oh deer! Another year. Here we are at the beginning of 2018 and for us
that means MORE deer. Some of you may remember from last February’s
Haus Frau article, we have established quite the family of deer. This
didn’t happen on purpose … or did it? 2017 proved to be a year of ups
and downs for the herd. We still have most of the original crew but we
have gotten a first-hand account of the life of a deer and I must say it
can be pure enjoyment but also tremendous heartbreak.
Big Mama and Eyeshadow both had twins! They presented their
babies to us as proud as can be and as cute as they come. Eyeshadow
lost one of hers which left our total baby count for the herd at five.
Big Mama still had her sidekick, Bait, so she essentially had a nanny.
Since doing most of the work for Big Mama, Bait has become her own
woman. Crazy Eyes did not produce any offspring but still has her baby
from last season in tow; we call him MiniMan. They are by far the most
mischievous of the group.
(FAKE) SERVICE DOGS
Happy New Deer!!!