By Welsley Turner Franco
Accountants on Tybee
Walkins Welcome!
Alfred D. Waite
Ted Lynch, CPA
ACCOUNTING & TAX SERVICE
awaite1946@aol.com
tedlynch635@hotmail.com
203 First St. Ste. E
912-786-0878
TYBEE BEACHCOMBER | JAN 2018 19
Crazy Eyes gonna get that apple!! She seems to have started a trend
because up until last spring the pattern seemed to hold steady: Mamas
got pregnant in late fall/early winter, mamas had babies late spring/
early summer, babies grew up, mamas and babies separated … repeat.
This is not the case this time around, the babies have not separated.
It is entirely possible we have made it way too appealing for them to
want to leave. The buffet now includes delicious deer pellets specially
formulated for optimal health at $20 bucks a bag, as well as apples and
other goodies I come across. (Accepting donations at PO Box … just
kidding!!)
And the naming game continues on:
Does: Big Mama and her twin boy (Tuffy) and girl, Big Baby that hates
bread, Bait, Crazy Eyes, Eyeshadow and Solo baby.
Bucks: Twiney, Mr. NotSoPerfect, Narrow Horns, Big One Horn, Brokenfoot
and MiniMan.
At this time of year we are at the tail end (haha) of mating season, the
bucks are all beat up and the does are exhausted. The ‘chase’ always
creates a horrendous muddy mess so this year I piled up all of the fall
leaves which protects the ground from getting torn up but they think I
made them a giant, cozy bed.
We have come to realize we can’t move. We are trapped on this hillside
foooorevvver!! We have made a safe haven for generations of wildlife
and no one in their right mind would go to such lengths. Not to mention
the downside - turkeys. Lots and lots of turkeys. And coyotes. One in
particular that has become so emboldened he leaves a nightly porch
turd just to let us know how much he cares. Therefore, at this time when
we like to make resolutions for the New Year, I am once again making
mine a mission to outsmart the sneaky crittters and stay out of the poor
house before I, too, am living in the forest!
Happy New Year from all of us to all of you!
Diving Into the Shallow
End of the Dating Pool
A Series of Hope, Despair & Laughter - Part III
I was still laughing over my ‘Perfect Man’ leaving with my only lesbian
fantasy woman when I finally decided to try this so called “online dating”
thing. I mean, what could possibly happen? Well, without fail, hilarity
ensued fairly quickly. It started with “Hey gorgeous,” instantly followed
by a gratuitous picture of his dingle and dongles. Then there were
questions no one should ever ask anyone. Ever. Such as, “Are you into
incest?” which I could not help myself but to respond, “No, but good luck
to you and your family.” Another man messaged me, “Beautiful smile, did
you wear braces?” What a harmless question. I quickly responded with,
“Why yes I did!” “Did you wear a retainer?” he asked. “I did,” I replied
hesitantly. “Will you send me pictures of you wearing nothing except your
retainer?” he questioned. “I uh, need to go,” I explained before blocking
him.
Then there was the singles dating group on Facebook. It’s Facebook,
so I didn’t do my research, what could go wrong? I uploaded a picture
and wrote two quick sentences about myself, a moderator approved it,
and my post went live. Within the hour I had 30+ likes, 4 comments, and
a handful of private messages. Needless to say, I felt pretty good about
myself. My ego was inflated, and I went to bed sleeping on a cloud of
self-esteem. Then morning struck. I rolled (hung over) out of bed around
10:30 (ok fine, 11:30) and checked Facebook. 1400 Likes, 800 Friend
Requests, and more than 400 message requests!! All from men in the
Philippines. I think I accidentally escorted myself. What had I done?? I
deleted friend requests and messages as fast as I could. I found my post
and deleted it. It didn’t stop. The requests kept coming, and then they
started stalking my Facebook, liking public posts from 2006. Help! What
to do?! I could move to the Philippines, at least 1400 people there want
me (unlike my ‘Perfect Man’ here on Tybee).
Online dating is rough people. The only upside is you can Photoshop
your profile picture and no one says you have to wear pants as you surf
the Internet looking for love. Unfortunately, this is common knowledge,
so it’s likely you’ll find someone else proficient in Photoshop, not wearing
pants, chatting you up as sweetly as they can.