Mardi Gras Tybee Style!
By Joey Goralczyk
As I type this, it’s early January. I just watched The Bulldogs give up a 41-yard touchdown and lose a National title, when all they had to do was NOT give
up the 41-yard touchdown and they would win a national title. On top of that, I seem to have developed some form of plague, or pneumonia, or flu maybe?
Maybe all 3? Either way, as I drift in-between various forms of consciousness, and remember how trippy fever dreams can be, it occurred to me that Mardi
Gras is upon us. While this fact alone is not enough to cure me, it has at least made me stop praying for sweet death in my rare moments of lucidity.
We may not exactly be Bourbon Street, but Mardi Gras is our first good warm weather action of the year. It’s a return to spring, or at least a dress rehearsal
for it. I will get to work more than 3 days a week again, assuming my obituary didn’t precede this article. Best of all, it’s a reason for new blood to come back
to the Island and whoop it up a little. I love my local friends, but I’m sick of All your faces, and one of you bastards gave me tuberculosis! The Parade may not
be the biggest of the year, but it is the only one where it’s appropriate to OFFER beads. I say offer because beads should never be given away. Beads must
be earned. My great-grandmother told me a quarter-century ago, “Joey, if a wench wants beads, she’s gotta bare thy breast to thee. It’s in the Bible, and is
God’s law.” It’s the reason for the season!
My memory is a little fuzzy. Looking back, it’s possible that wasn’t my dear Nanny that told me that. I know I was in church when I heard that bit of gospel
though. Maybe it was that priest who introduced me to another Mardi Gras tradition. Binge Drinking!!! Ahh yes, what would a Christian festival be without
some alcohol in our system. I can’t say I remember any bible verses about this one. But I don’t remember anything about a baby being pulled from a cake
either, so there!
Enough kidding around. I love Mardi Gras because we are due to breathe some Life into the Island. It’s been a long, slow winter. Hell, it even snowed. On
Tybee. Really snowed. Bring the kids, bring the Grandparents. Ill behave, I promise. Until around 10pm. Then all bets are off. I’ll be on Balcony OFFERING
beads. Not just handing them out willy-nilly.
Bourbon Street may get the glory, and it should, I’ve been under age there for Fat Tuesday. But Tybee will not disappoint. If there’s one thing we do well,
it’s a party. All joking aside, that’s what Mardi Gras is. It’s a big welcome back to spring time party. So get out there, have a few drinks and some red beans
and rice. Wear the silly hats and bring out the fancy beads. This year Mardi Gras Tybee will take place on Saturday, Feb. 10. There will be a street party with
live entertainment and a parade.
I do feel compelled to mention the perils of a tradition I nearly forgot. If, at any time during the festivities, you encounter a King cake, chew excessively, and
for god’s sake, eat with someone who knows the Heimlich maneuver! I don’t want anyone choking on a tiny baby. It’s an embarrassing way to die. If it does
happen though, I call dibs on writing the obit!
Happy Mardi Gras everyone!
TYBEE BEACHCOMBER | FEB 2018 43