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Angry No More by Jason Lancaster I woke up exhausted from a long night of performing and partying. I looked at my phone and wondered who I might need to call and apologize to for the night before. That was my first thought every morning. For three months, I had been out every night, drinking and fighting anyone who dared stand against me. It never failed that I would hurt or offend someone in some way. This was my life…but looking at my phone, I realized I didn’t want to be that person anymore. I hadn’t always been this way. I grew up carefree and happy. My dad was a musician and played in a band. I can still picture him playing his guitar and singing with his friends. His passion was contagious, and I caught it. Music became my life. My family wasn’t super religious. I guess we were what you’d call CEOs—Christmas and Easter Onlys. On Christmas and Easter, we’d buy new clothes and join other CEOs on a local pew. I did attend a few youth group meetings in my teens and learned a bit about God, but I’d never pursued a relationship with Him. If you asked me if there was a God, I would have said yes…but I didn’t know Him. I moved to Tallahassee after high school and started up a band called Mayday Parade. We worked hard and ended up performing nationwide on The Warped Tour. We also landed a contract with Fearless Records. It was a musician’s dream come true. Eventually wanting a more grown-up sound, I left Mayday Parade and started Go Radio. The music was positive and inspired people to reach for bigger and better things. We pushed ourselves to be the best musicians we could be and created a unique sound. Life was good. I had a record label and a popular band that was traveling the country. But then my dad—my best friend and role model—died from a blood clot. And life went dark. I was 23. Betrayed. That’s how I felt. Betrayed by my dad for leaving me and betrayed by God for allowing him to go. Surely if there was a good God who loved me, He would never have let this happen. My dad was a great man. After his death, drama overtook our family. People I thought loved me disappeared from my life forever. They wanted nothing to do with me or my siblings. I felt betrayed once again. My heart hardened, and I turned away from any belief in God. I became an angry, self-proclaimed atheist, mad at the whole world. This anger, emptiness, and disappointment led to an empty life of drugs, alcohol, bars, and fighting. Music and performing became my idols. I was sure they would never betray me. Looking back, I see how dangerous my lifestyle and belief system had become. My self-worth and happiness were dependent on things that could disappear in a heartbeat—the applause of man, fame, the spotlight. They were all temporal. Yet they consumed my life. There was a time when I would tour for 11 months straight, not because I needed the money, but because I needed the admiration of people. I thrived on their loud screams, applause, and requests for autographs. Without them, I felt like I was nothing. But the music always faded and the applause grew silent and I was left to face the empty void of my hardened heart. Then I met a girl on tour who would help me see a more fulfilling way. Her name is Dee. Dee had this purity about her that immediately attracted me. She wasn’t just beautiful physically; she was beautiful to the core. Her heart was filled with such peace, love, and hope—everything I needed and longed for. But Dee made it quite clear she wasn’t going to get too close. She didn’t date band boys or non-Christians, and she wasn’t about to sleep with anyone before marriage. I had a few strikes against me. I got up the courage and asked if talking on the phone broke any of her rules. For months we talked, across three time zones, sometimes all night long. We talked about everything, especially God. Dee’s faith was an open matter to her. It was refreshing to hear someone talk about God in such a real way. I had never had that kind of faith or emotion for God. He was the very air she breathed. One night, Dee and I were texting back and forth. I was asking all sorts of deep things about God, and she finally With gauges and tattoos, Jason isn’t your typical Baptist worship leader, but he’s proof that God looks past the external and into the heart of a man. Top Right: God used Dee to woo Jason into a relationship with a Father who would never leave him. Through her pure devotion to God, Jason discovered the love and peace he had been searching for. Opposite: Vocalist, guitarist, and lyricist—Jason performs here with his former band, Go Radio. 8 kojministries.org Issue 3 2017 Timothy Smith of Honor Photography


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