— or “maintenance” — was long held up as a tool to keep women comfortable in the lifestyle to which she had grown accustomed. Ask any family attorney or divorce judge and they will tell you what I see every day: It is the women who aim for financial independence after divorce who truly thrive — often building lifestyles that exceeded what they had once been accustomed to inside of their marriage. what are some common mindsets that hold single moms back, and how can these be overcome? • You will be forever poor. • You will be alone romantically, and socially isolated. • Your kids will be messed up. The answers: • Get in your time machine and identify where your negative self-massaging came from. Maybe your family, comments about other women in your community growing up, or the media. Remember: These are just opinions and stories. You have the power to write your own story. • Focus on all the opportunities you have as a woman in 2017 and beyond. Today, as a woman, you have more rights, power and opportunity than more than 99% of women in the world today and throughout history. • Surround yourself with positive, supportive people who also have big financial and professional goals. Studies show that who you spend time with affects whether you will smoke, be in debt, or be overweight — same for your professional potential. • Never feel guilty for hiring child care or being a working mom. Study after study find that a mother’s career, earning and education are the best gifts she can give her children — not countless hours, which serve children zero after age 2. • Go big! Never set low professional or financial goals because you are a single mom. This is an incredible new chapter and you will stun yourself with what you can achieve! how can moms with absentee exes get them more actively involved in co-parenting? Remove as many financial ties between you. If you historically have fought over child support, find ways to reduce your dependence on this money, or minimize discussions and arguments. Be open and flexible about his time with the kids. Do not try to control how he parents, assuming abuse is not an issue. Be positive about him to your kids. Keep the door open. Give him the benefit of doubt, and support his transition to single parent life. This might feel like you are mommying him, or letting him off the hook from his responsibilities, and that may be the case. Life is long. Keep the big picture in mind: An involved father is one of the most wonderful things you can give your kids, and yourself. The logistical, emotional and financial benefits to you as a mother with an involved father cannot be calculated. what do you hope readers will take away from your book? You can and must build a life truly on your own terms, no matter your family structure. I don’t care what path took you to single motherhood, you and your kids deserve a rich, full life of financial comfort, creative and professional fulfillment, adventure, health, community and love. Thankfully, we live in a time when that is entirely attainable for you. About the Author Emma Johnson is the creator of the immensely popular blog, WealthySingleMommy.com, and the podcast, “Like a Mother,” where she explores issues facing professional single moms like herself. She is a writer, journalist, entrepreneur, and a former small-town Midwesterner and current New Yorker. Since launching her blog four years ago, she has become the leading voice of single motherhood in the popular media and has been quoted in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, U.S. News and World Report, Women’s Day, and NPR, among others. 36 WomanToWomanMagazine.com
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