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fared far better than those who had unpaid, stayat home moms. Girls raised by working moms performed better academically, and grew up to earn more and hold higher managerial positions. Meanwhile, boys raised by working moms performed equally well, and were more caring for loved ones in the home — babies, elders — as both boys and adults. Further, women who work and earn and have their own money reduce their likelihood of poverty, poor mental health and being a domestic violence victim by landslides. There is zero benefit to anyone when women stop working, and benefits to women, children, marriage, the pay gap and the economy when women do work. So stop feeling guilty, dammit!!     why do you discourage single moms from trying to hide their dating lives from their kids? When women are single mothers, society presents them with two romantic options: Stay celibate, and focus all your energy on your poor children, as they have already suffered so much since they are from a broken home, or get married already because that is only respectable thing for you to do, and you owe it to your children to emulate a “normal” family.   Really, both these messages are loaded with sexist messages that make clear that mothers are not allowed to be sexual adults who satisfy their romantic needs.   My children and your children will not marry the first person they kiss. They will date a lot of people and if current trends continue, live with partners but are not likely to marry. Culturally, we are OK with young, childless single women dating and exploring their sexualities freely (think Sex and the City, and Girls). But different rules apply for women with children. Because: Sexism.   Instead, it is on moms to model healthy dating and relationships for their children. Tell your kids you are going on a date. Explain what a date is. It is not confusing to kids because romance and dating is in every single Disney and Pixar movie. If mothers understand that a date does not mean husband hunting, kids won’t get confused. If children meet men who you are spending time with, even if it is not a serious relationship, they will get that dating and romance are normal parts of adulthood, and model that when they are teens and beyond — opposed to approaching it as a shameful, epic practice that deserves lying and sneaking.   why do you suggest that women reject alimony? For most of history, alimony was a feminist coup: payments from ex-husbands supported women at a time when women had scant opportunity to earn, own property or businesses, or even have a credit card in her own name. These postdivorce installments were lifelines for women and the children they were disproportionately responsible for. Alimony helped level a very uneven playing field. Times have changed, and today women in the United States have unprecedented career and investing opportunities, account for the majority of undergraduate students, and are nearly half of breadwinners in families with children. Yet alimony laws are pathetically stuck in decades past, promoting women’s dependence on men (women receive 97 percent of alimony payments in the United States, according to Census figures), heightening contention in divorce, co-parenting, and ultimately holding women back. Enforcement of current alimony laws only promotes antiquated gender stereotypes: Men earn, women are home, responsible for unpaid family duties. When marriages end, alimony mandates that powerful men (because if he has money and she does not, there is a clear power divide) swoop down and care for the little Mrs.   This arrangement is rarely without significant consequence for both ex-spouses. Alimony is often cited as the No. 1 reason couples revisit divorce court, as it promotes conflict between parties who have split — often for years after they divorce. The most devastating fallout of alimony, however, is the toll this takes on children involved. Study after study shows that it is not the divorce itself that causes children the most harm, but whether the split was contentious. When you choose to be financially dependent on someone else (like a husband), you take a risk. If that marriage ends and you have little career equity and low earning potential as a result, morally, it is on you to assume responsibility for that decision. After all, alimony WomanToWomanMagazine.com 35


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