LAST Words
ANN OWENS IS A WRITER, CREATIVE GENIUS, ENTREPRENEUR, MOTHER, AND
WIFE WHO ENJOYS PONDERING WHAT MAKES THE WORLD CLICK.
R.S.V.P. is not a 4-letter Word
A good dose of etiquette advice that will take you a long way in life
At the risk of sounding “old school”
and being accused of living by principles
that were only used “back in the day,”
I have to get some things off my chest.
It has come to my attention that we
seem to be losing our ability to practice
simple etiquette, comprehend what we
are reading, and communicate basic
responses. It’s true, sad but so true.
In case you didn’t know, R.S.V.P. is
French for répondez s’il vous plaît – in
other words, please respond. If you are
invited to an event, that means that the
inviter wants you to come. As a matter
of fact, they want you to come so much
that they are willing to spend their hardearned
money on making sure that they
will have food for you, a seat, drinks,
and maybe even a party favor or two.
What a really nice thing to do and what
a good friend that is. I mean, they are
asking you nicely and in French. How
can you resist a plea in arguably the
most beautiful language there is?
Why is this so difficult? Well,
I have a theory: I think
that people do not want
to commit because
something better may
come along. I think
they figure that if they
just don’t reply at all
and decide at the last
minute to go, they can.
Or maybe I’m totally
overthinking it, and they are just
lazy and rude. Either option is wrong
on so many levels. If you committed
to go, then you should go, and unless
you call the inviter first, you shouldn’t
show up unexpected. There are these
neat devices called telephones that we
all have attached to our hands and our
back pockets, so let’s use them and do
the right thing.
When my daughter got married, I
added to the bottom of her response
card “If you do not respond by the
deadline, please bring a chair and a
sandwich,” and I meant it. Still, people
showed up that didn’t respond, people
didn’t come that said they would, and
some people showed up that weren’t
invited at all because they ignored the
“Private” sign on the venue and enjoyed
one heck of a party. Wedding crashers
are a thing, apparently. A few years ago,
I attended a wedding where 150 people
were invited, only 50 responded, and
over 100 attended. While the family
was outside taking pictures, the seats
were filled up so that no seating was left
for aunts, cousins, and grandmothers
when they finally made their way into
the reception. Those 50+ people who
did not respond, enjoyed a comfy chair
and food all while causing undue stress
and sadness to the bride and groom
and their families. Ya’ll, us southerners
should know better than that! Learn
to respond, and don’t be a jerk
because, trust me, us hostesses are like
elephants– we never, ever forget who
you are.
Same with a thank you note. You
know what to do here–you get a gift,
you say thank you. Mamas of brides
and high school graduates, as a
final parting gift to your
children before they
fly from your nest,
make them write
those thank you
cards if you have to
sit on top of them
and hold their frail
little iPhone-shaped
hands. I wouldn’t exactly
répondez
say that a text is acceptable, but
it’s certainly better than nothing. Also,
let’s shoot for a little more than “Thanks
for the gift. I’ll use it. LS” This is
taken from an actual card that a friend
received. She had no clue who it was
from, but she was really glad the person
found it useful, whatever it was.
Our reading comprehension is
totally shot as well, and here’s my
favorite example taken from an online
yard sale social media post that included
a picture: “For Sale! 8’ long, 2 yearold,
black leather couch. Excellent
condition. $150 firm. Must pick-up
and there will be no one here to help
lift. Located in the Vidalia area.” Truly,
you cannot get any more specific than
that, right? The comments in response
to the post were astounding. 1) How
big is it?; 2) Are the lamps for sale?; 3)
Will you take $75?; 4) Are you sure it’s
black cuz (sic) it looks maroon; and 5)
My husband just had a heart attack and
can’t lift anything, so I’ll need help and
I’m interested. The next thing I know,
the post disappeared. I’m assuming
that, out of sheer frustration, the person
hoping for an easy sale through a clear
and concise post just gave up. I see this
more often than not, and it is hilarious
and very sad all at the same time.
Also, what is the issue with not
answering a text or an email? I cannot
tell you how many messages I have sent
through both of these methods that have
gone unanswered. Look, I know you
got the message, so why not just reply
with a simple acknowledgment or with
my favorite “Got it” or the old standard
thumbs up emoji? If I were standing in
front of you and made a statement or
asked a question, would you just stare
in another direction and not respond?
Would you just turn and walk away
because you didn’t want to answer? Of
course you wouldn’t, so why would you
do it via phone messages? I’ll tell you
why, because our phones have allowed
us to disappear and seemingly keep us
from having any personal obligation. We
can now successfully use excuses like
“Sorry, my phone died” or “I never got
that message” and others have no way of
reasonably arguing otherwise.
I don’t know what the answer is to
these dilemmas, but I do know this: we
simply have to do better. I’m all about
progress, growing, and changing with the
times, but extending simple courtesies,
actually reading a message before
responding, and responding to others
that reach out to you for an answer of
some kind will never, ever be outdated.
We not only have an obligation to our
children to teach them these valuable
lessons in communication, but we need
to practice them ourselves, as well.
Also, if I invite you to my house and
you showed up without responding,
don’t you dare eat one single pig in a
blanket…unless you bring wine and then
it’s all good.
p
ch
lit
hand
h
RSVP
s’il vous plaît
HOMETOWN LIVING AT I TS BEST 143