A Celebration of Life,
Love, and Family
Family doesn’t let father’s illness rob them of memories
Pictured, from left: Maggie, Lara, Barrett and Barry Alvis; Dad and daughter share a sweet moment; They lit eternity candles
and held a sand jar ceremony.
BY JEANA DURST
Once or twice in a lifetime, if we are fortunate,
we experience a moment where time seems to
stand still. Times when we can capture a little
bit of magic in our memories that can sustain
us for years to come. The celebration on April
moment for the Alvis children. Lara and Barry
Alvis hosted a ceremony for their children to
celebrate their “weddings” alongside their father
Barry, who is facing a terminal illness diagnosis of
It was an idea that came from their daughter
10-year-old Maggie in March not long after Lara
and Barry returned from Duke University in
March with some tough news. Despite the hope
that he could undergo a lung transplant, doctors
had ultimately determined Barry could not be a
candidate for a transplant. After carefully helping
their children to grasp what this meant, one night
they saw the light bulb go off for Maggie and
her brother Barrett, 8. The children realized that
doctors “could not heal Daddy and without a
miracle he would die,” Lara says.
Two days later, Maggie read online about
a young girl who had a pretend wedding day
celebration so that her father could walk her
daughter needed, then so be it.
Joined that day by Barry’s older son Kyle and
18 Bham Family May 2020
the ceremony and led both children through
lighting eternity candles and a special sand
ceremony, which left the kids with keepsakes they
can use at their actual weddings. “I called each
person up, and we added sand for each person
and what they meant in their lives,” Lara says.
Barry presented the children Bibles, while Lara
led the group in prayer. The family ceremoniously
passed on treasured heirlooms, like Barry’s
beloved Mont Blanc pen, inside memory boxes.
Perhaps the highlight was when Barry walked
Maggie down the aisle to the end of the front
porch and gave her a ring that he had inscribed.
“He was so strong to do this for the children,”
time at Duke with very ill people had given this
seasoned and tough trial lawyer a new perspective
on empathy.
In some ways this day was already borrowed
examination, Barry was given only 3 months to
the midst of heartbreak, Lara expresses gratitude
for this and other blessings. For the Alvis family,
this quarantine has delivered an unexpected gift of
time. Lara, a Shelby County Circuit Court Judge,
has more time than before and their children get to
spend these days with Barry instead of in school.
Maybe when we think of the lessons of this
pandemic, we will think of how this family reminds
us to be glad for the extra time at home and be
inspired by their celebration of life.