ACTIVE LISTENING WITH LOVE
Nurturing the Intimacy and Connection in Your Marriage
MARRIAGE ISN’T EASY,
BUT IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE HARD.
Mark E. Lund & Liz Devine Hewson
Is the Corona Pandemic straining
your marriage?
Are the inescapable close quarters
causing endless bickering?
Are the daily stressors and tensions
overshadowing the Love and Joy
you once had?
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TheJournalNJ.com | MAY 2020 7
We all want to be seen, heard and
understood. Giving this gift to
your spouse is an easy way to
By Mark E. Lund and Liz Devine Hewson
start transforming your marriage. Active
listening is the key.
Everyone has concerns, worries,
anxieties and even fears that cause
stress. These burdens can insidiously
invade a marriage. When that happens,
all of the other concerns. One of the best
ways to deal with the stress is to vocalize
and discuss the issues. Unfortunately,
discussing worries is often an unmet
need because frequently partners feel
that they are not being seen, heard and understood.
Active listening is a critical skill for nurturing the
intimacy and connection in a marriage.
Active listening takes practice and effort. It is not
simply waiting for your turn to speak. While most
people think they are listening, they are pre-thinking
their retort or reply. When actively listening, you’re
seeking an objective understanding: being fully
present, engaged and mindfully reflective to
support your spouse. Using the skill of active listening reduces
misunderstandings and creates a safe space to speak comfortably and openly.
HERE ARE FIVE EASY TIPS TO HELP
YOU ACTIVELY LISTEN.
• Create the space to listen. Pay close
attention to your body language and maintain
eye contact. Minimize distractions, such as TV,
computers and cellphones.
• Listen to the words that are being said.
Be engaged and don’t interrupt your
spouse. Seek understanding of what their words
are trying to convey.
• Connect to the emotion. What are
the feelings behind the words? What is
their body language saying?
• Repeat back what you heard. Summarizing
what was said is a great way to let your partner know
they were heard. It’s important to include the emotion that
was expressed, such as, “I can feel how troubling this is to you.”
• Ask clarifying questions. Encourage your partner to
talk more about their problems or concerns by asking
questions relating to what they said.
Marriages are like a garden. If they are tended, they’ll provide
a beautiful bounty for life. One of the most effective ways to
tend and nurture your marriage is through active listening.
your Marriage Today!
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