It’s Christmas and that means December! Wait, I’ve been drinking, flip
that. I thought it would be fun to help get y’all into the holiday spirit!
Failure to follow my instructions precisely may result in female erectile
dysfunction. Proceed with caution.
• Step One: Your tree. It doesn’t really matter what kind of tree you use,
as long as you decorate the ever living crap out of it. Technically it’s not
possible to over-decorate a tree. And you know what would make it fancy?
Real live candles burning on it. Majestic.
• Step Two: You really should try the Santa lifestyle. Nothing is classier
than Old St. Nick riding a reindeer and slithering down a chimney. I don’t
know where they keep reindeer in Georgia, probably the Oatland Island
Wildlife Center. (Fun Fact #1: That’s also where we keep our tornados. Ok, no
joke, they need help to reopen, so get on it!)
• Step Three: (Moving forward with haste) Christmas is like 65%
presents and 45% stuff roasting on an open fire. Typically nuts, but its
2018 and people are straight up allergic to nuts. But you know what people
aren’t allergic to? Batteries? Has anyone ever tried roasting those while
listening to stories of Christmas past? (Fun Fact #2: I have a completely
irrational fear of batteries, I can’t touch them without gloves on, don’t know
why, don’t ask.) Speaking of presents, the only way to show a person you
love them is by spending money on them. Actual fact right there.
• Step Four: Winter sports. We live in Georgia, so that means surfing,
kayaking, fishing, and of course drinking. Speaking of drinking, two of the
more disgusting, I mean popular, Christmas drinks are Eggnog and Wassail,
which is why we sing ‘here we come a wassailing.’ It loosely translates to,
‘watch out, we’re drunk and have karaoke on the mind.’ Wassail is made
of all the liquor you didn’t finish this past year that will expire on December
31st. (Fun Fact #3: Probably.)
Well there you have it folks, and be sure to tune in next month for another
exciting adventure of Captain Bad Advice from a Beach Bum.
4 TYBEE BEACHCOMBER | DEC 2018
By Jimmy Prosser
The Magic at Tybee By Jem
Tybee loves a good holiday and you will have lots of fun.
Enjoy the parade, visit with Santa, or bask in the sun.
Check out the Lighted Boat parade and Tour De Lights.
The Holiday décor and lights are quite a sight.
With a Christmas play and many concerts too,
That’s at the Tybee Post Theater just for you.
Art show specials and Christmas Mouse,
All with treasures for family or your house.
A Lighthouse Christmas is a treat,
And you will see that being on Tybee can’t be beat.
Many great shops and dining places to check out.
Please do, while you are out and about.
What you might not see, the events behind the scenes,
Is Tybee helping others reach for their dreams.
Whether they are donating for a good cause,
Or simply helping others, they all deserve an applause.
You can believe in the magic of Christmas, as it is here on Tybee.
It is in the heart of Tybee, and that, it will always be.
Merry Christmas Family & Friends. Love to you all!
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MERRY CHRISTMAS
HAPPY HAPPY
NEW YEAR!
TybeeTeeth.com
EAR
Y
At Tybee Teeth, we treat
every patient who comes in
our door as family and a friend. We want
everyone to have the best experience with the
most ideal dental care possible. We would love
to take care of all your dental needs. Feel free to
call and ask questions or stop by to meet us.
1018 US Hwy 80 • Tybee Island • 912-786-9433
/TybeeTeeth.com