insider
THE ONE ABOUT MUPPETS
Statler: But they are talented.
Waldorf: And handsome enough, if you like that sort of thing.
Statler: But the down! The up!
Waldorf: It’s too much!
Statler: So much. But at least they have talent.
Waldorf: Of course. Though it was entirely too much.
Statler: That’s true.
Waldorf: But what can you say? Talent, right?
Unfortunately, I seemed to have parked next to their late 90s
silver Cadillac, so I heard variations on this theme all the way
to and through the parking lot. At one point, they couldn’t
decide which of them had driven, and they both got out keys
to see which opened the car.
That’s when I roared out of the parking lot.
Don’t get me wrong. This is not an anti-Muppet rant. I LOVE
the Muppets. Some of my best friends are Muppets. But when
it comes to day-to-day living, channeling the spirit of those two
cantankerous fellows in their stage left balcony is a poor idea
here in the real world. That kind of thing is best left to humor
columns. And to The Muppet Theater (the commonly-used
name of the grand old vaudeville-style venue for The Muppet
Show
“The Benny Vandergast Memorial Theater”).
MAY 2019 | SARASOTA SCENE 89
Laughing MATTERS
By Ryan G. Van Cleave | Illustrations by Darcy Kelly-Laviolette
F or reasons that would require an entire column’s worth
of explanation, I have season tickets to this year’s
musical series at the Barbara B. Mann Performing
Arts Hall in Ft. Myers. Guilty as charged.
According to the group’s website, it’s “a high-adrenaline, fullvoltage
experience which combines the art of tap dance, with
an industrial infused theatre experience.”
yet another entire column’s worth of musing/rage/entertainment.)
combo, I rode the elevator down with two ladies who sat near
me during the show, gabbing incessantly and unwrapping cough
drops in crinkly wrappers the entire time. Or nearly so. Let’s
call them Statler and Waldorf, since those grumpy Muppets
clearly served as their spirit animals.
Statler: Sure, they’re talented and all, but why all the moving
around? The up and down, the down and up?
Waldorf: Why CAN’T they stay in one place?