23
I’m Tired…
WORDS: Ashley Murcia, ReNest
(restneststudio.com)
Start of School 2019…
Last night, I fell asleep with my little one and slept there all night
long. I woke up once, determined that I was just too exhausted
to move and decided that sleeping with an octopus-like fouryear
old was the best course of action.
This was not the first time this has happened. I’d say this happens
about four nights a week, every week, for the last three months.
Meaning that on top of normal motherhood exhaustion, I’m even
more tired because: 1) I’m not sleeping in my bed; 2) I’m being
slapped in the face/stomach/chest/legs at any given time during
the night; and 3) I’m getting older (ahem, 40), and I wake up in
total pain because my bed supports my back, my hips, and my
neck way better than the boys’ beds do. (Note: a month ago,
I had a hormone check-up to see where things were after my
first check 18 months ago. It shouldn’t come as a surprise when
the nurse practitioner looked at my hormone results, looked at
me, and said, “You’re not sleeping. And, you’re stressed out.”)
So, I’m tired. And I wake up every day with my head buzzing
between,
to get done at work today?,” “Do the boys have clean uniforms?”
and “What is going on tonight for the boys?” Besides this every
day early morning panic, I feel like I can honestly say that this
year has run me more ragged than normal.
I can’t point to any one specific thing that is making me more
tired, but it’s a combination of all of those things that are just
my life as a busy mom of two young boys, who works full-time
outside of the home, whose husband has a totally demanding
job, runs her own side hustle business, and is PTO president.
I’ve always been a busy-body. I have always said “yes.” But this
year something has opened my eyes. Life is packed. In addition,
while I have tried to keep it all together, I have not.
I love the paper planner life, meaning I like to write things down
- on paper! It helps keep my life and to-do lists together. I
meal plan two weeks at a time (which is my saving grace). Both
things give me some sanity. But, I’ve always prided myself on
“keeping it all together,” and recently, I feel like a lot fell apart. I
procrastinated, a lot, a lot, laundry was not done when it should
be, milk expired, my husband had to run to Target at 9:30pm
when we realized we did not have bread for lunches the next day.
And, you know what? We survived. Some of it was messy at
times, but we all survived. It does not mean that I do not have
goals to get it together this school year. However, I think it’s
important to see and understand that life has cycles for every
person and every family. That sometimes you have it all together,
and sometimes you don’t.
That it’s okay to ask for help, and to lean on some of those
services that can help make life better (ahem, can you say Target
subscriptions….which is the only way we manage to always have
paper towels, toilet paper, and paper plates that never run out!)
Essentially, if you’re reading this and are like, “Wait, she’s writing
about my life!” … you’re not alone.
As the new school year is starting, know that every single person
is going through their own stuff. Even when you are sitting next
to another mom at work, at play group, or at the doctor’s office
and she looks like she has it all together, she likely is feeling just
like you. That some days you will feel
like you are killing it in your mom life,
and that there will be days when you
feel like you are not. But do you know
what I’ve learned? My boys don’t know
the difference. They see a mama who
loves them, hugs them, loves her job, is
proud of her work, and is working every
day to help them become the great little
men they are becoming.
/(restneststudio.com