Real Hero Report |
Vulnerability
is Vital to Healing
Why
In basic training, one of the primary tenets drilled into service
members is that we have to ignore physical pain in order to
accomplish our mission. That mentality is also prevalent in the
that are not only physically demanding but also downright scary
at times (even though we don’t want to admit it).
Working under that “push through it and suck it up” mindset is
back to base. But its helpfulness ends when we’re off shift or back
home from a deployment. Since it’s tough to quickly turn off that
switch in our brains, many of us stay in that place where we aren’t
able to show anyone that we’re struggling—perhaps because we
don’t want our teammates to think we’re weak, we want them
to know they can count on us when the time comes, or we don’t
us out of service.
At REBOOT, one of the topics we cover early in our courses
is the necessity of humility in the trauma healing process. One
of my favorite authors, Dr. Brene Brown, writes in depth about
How the Courage to be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live,
Love, Parent and Lead, she looks at three myths of vulnerability
that are important for us to consider.
and feelings. To feel is to be vulnerable.” This is something that
feeling of, “If I say something, they’ll think I’m weak.” But what
if we shift our perspective and instead view asking for help or
sharing tough things with other people as a sign of strength?
we engage in behaviors that are often inconsistent with who we
want to be.” I’ve seen this play out in my own life and in others.
We put on a mask, pretending that we’ve got it all together and
even getting defensive when people call us out on the unwise
choices we’re making. More often than not, this persona isn’t
who we want to be, but a deeper issue is getting in the way of our
opening up, showing what’s really happening.
experiences with people who have earned the right to hear them.
Being vulnerable and open is mutual and an integral part of the
trust-building process.” This caught my attention because she is
our vulnerability. We don’t have an obligation to share everything
with everyone, but that doesn’t mean we put up a wall for
everyone, either. It should be a one-to-one experience of trust.
In another of Dr. Brown’s books, Rising Strong, she writes, “A
put-downs from a safe distance. The problem is, when we stop
caring what people think and stop feeling hurt by cruelty, we lose
think, we lose the courage to be vulnerable. Therefore, we need
to be selective about the feedback we let into our lives. For me, if
you’re not in the arena getting your butt kicked, I’m not interested
in your feedback.” This is true for me as I’ve learned to trust
people more who’ve been through some tough situations, didn’t
hide what they were struggling with, and weren’t afraid to ask for
help themselves.
And in addition to Dr. Brown’s three myths, allow me to add
my own to this list.
together, take tough calls together, and save lives together, so why
do we think that we have to struggle alone? It is vital that we have
folks walking alongside us through tough times.
It’s no exaggeration to say I nearly died in isolation. It wasn’t
until I asked other men to come alongside me that my life started
to change for the better. Once I gave them permission to ask hard
questions and hold me accountable, I began to see for myself the
healing power of humility.
Dr. Brown says, “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like
courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable but they’re
never weakness.” Being vulnerable and asking for help is a sign
of strength, not of weakness. Never forget this truth.
Myth #1, Vulnerability is weakness.
Myth #4, We can go it alone.
Myth #2, I don’t do vulnerability.
Myth #3, Vulnerability is letting it all hang out.