Respecting
Choices
How to Talk with Your Loved One about What Matters Most
“How do I want to die?” This is a difficult conversation.
Definitions, culture and which stage one is at in
life brings so many variables to advance care planning.
What is it, and most importantly, what does it
mean to me?
Basically, advance care planning Involves thoughtfully
considering what matters
most to you. Advanced care
planning involves making
decisions about what kind of
medical care and treatments
you would or would not want
if you were at the end of your
life. Advanced care planning
involves choosing a person
who can understand these
decisions and speak for you if
you are unable. Most importantly,
advance care planning
involves having conversations
about these issues and clearly
communicating your choices with your family, your
loved ones, and your doctor.
How does one start this conversation? A change
in health or an accident can happen to any of us.
No one wants to be in a difficult position of having
to guess what kind of treatment a loved one would
want or not want. And everyone wants to feel like
they honored their loved one’s choices. When does
someone have this conversation? When both parties
are thinking clearly, and able to talk openly
together. The subject can be raised indirectly at first,
then those concerned talk more directly later. The
goal is to make this a conversation about planning
for the future, instead of about sickness and dying.
I recommend using the tool
called Five Wishes. This is
the first living will that will
touch your personal, emotional
and spiritual needs as
well as your medical wishes. It
lets you talk with your family,
friends and doctor about how
you want to be treated if you
become seriously ill. Your
family members will not have
to guess what you want. It
protects them if you become
seriously ill, because they
won’t have to make hard
choices without knowing your wishes. You can know
what your mom, dad, or spouse, or friend wants. You
can be there for them when they need you most…
you will understand what they really want.
The key is to commit to do it so that it does not
become a crisis situation, but a memorable loving
conversation.
Courtesy of Kaylynn Evans,
MSM-HC, CADDCT
For more information, feel free to reach out to those who are in the senior industry
who understand this process. Living wills can be found at Vineyard Bluffton, or at
fivewishes.org. Start talking today.
/fivewishes.org