LAST Words
ANN OWENS IS A WRITER, CREATIVE GENIUS, ENTREPRENEUR, MOTHER, AND
WIFE WHO ENJOYS PONDERING WHAT MAKES THE WORLD CLICK.
Navigating the Empty Nest
Change is never easy, but it’s a new adventure.
Truly, I am a blessed woman, and I
don’t take that lightly. My family is in
good health, and my children are well
on their way to making a wonderful life
for themselves. At my next writing,
my husband and I will more than likely
be empty nesters for the first time in
26 years, and I have no clue what that
is going to look like or how I am going
to feel. Just like when you are about
to have your first child and you can’t
picture what your life will be like with
a new addition, I cannot picture my life
with subtractions, either. My last two
children at home are quite the asset to
our lives in that they are compulsive
cleaners and organizers and will run
an errand (mostly) without complaint.
They will buy the groceries, pick up
dinner, vacuum the floor, clean out the
dog dishes, and they have even been
known to pressure wash the porches
and wash outdoor furniture cushions
completely on their own accord. How
does one survive when you don’t have
children to do these things anymore?
I can’t cook small. Admittedly,
Karl and I could live off of Triscuits,
pimento cheese, almonds, and boxed
wine for dinner, and we will probably
both lose weight but where is the
fun in that? I will no longer need to
preplan and precook dinners for the
week and will have to change my
Hello Fresh meal service to a family
of two instead of four. We will have to
turn off our icemaker occasionally to
slow down production; I won’t need to
make the big batches of salsa; and we
definitely will not need as many
cucumbers or salad dressings.
My guy will lose his Harry
Potter, Star Wars, and Pirates of the
Caribbean movie watching buddies,
and I will lose my Dancing With the
Stars and Disney watching partners.
Who is going to yell at us for snoring
and force us to go to bed? How will
he survive not asking at least twice a
week where “the babes” are? There
will be no one to clean up the dog puke,
force me to decorate for Halloween,
or to make sure the pillows are
styled properly on the couch. Most
importantly, who is going to walk the
trash can up to the road on Friday
mornings? Good Lord, I hope it’s not
me. Please, don’t let it be me.
I have been trying to prepare myself
for this for awhile and have been
making mental lists as to what I am
going to have to change and how much
I will be willing to compromise in order
to live with only my husband and three
dogs. And of course, I have also been
making lists of the habits that Karl will
have to change, and all I can say about
that is that he better get started now
because his list is pretty extensive –
much longer than mine.
As for me, I have reconciled to sit in
the living room with him at least four
nights a week and watch television. I
am aware that I will need to familiarize
myself with Parker Schnabel and the
whole Gold Rush family, and I vow
to learn to attempt to enjoy British
programming. I am, however, drawing
the line on sporting events and Naked
and Afraid…unless they come up with
a naked sporting event, which I could
possibly get into. I will not force him
into a single episode of Schitt’s Creek,
This is Us, or Unsolved Mysteries, but
I’m thinking we can find some common
ground on home improvement shows
and any and all music documentaries.
I am totally willing to lay down my
phone at night as long as I occasionally
get to hold and actually use the remote
as I see fit without constant back seat
driving and instruction on channel
selections and volume adjustments.
Because I will be losing my
shopping partners, Karl is going to
have to go to the grocery store and
the occasional gift shop with me and
promise not to huff out of impatience.
In turn, I vow to go to Lowe’s with him
and not repeatedly make snide remarks
about how long he takes in the light
bulb aisle. I will ride out to the farm
with him just to check trees or to “look
at the grass,” even on the hottest of
summer days but, for this, I expect
assistance with a puzzle or for him to
act as sous chef for at least one meal
a week. I promise to attend way more
Tech games than I have in the past, but
I’m gonna require a trip to IKEA before
or after. Also, the dog gets to sleep with
me especially when it is cold outside
or bad weather. Non-negotiable. I feel
like this can really work as long as my
requirements are met.
A year from now, it will be
interesting to see where we are; still
rattling around in a house too big
and waiting on grandbabies, building
our cottage under the oaks at Legacy
Farms, or shopping for a place in
the mountains. We have lived in our
home for 30 years, and the thought
of emptying it out literally makes me
sick to my stomach. While he is a
hoarder of everything from containers
to stickers, I have certainly got some
stockpiling issues myself that will need
to be dealt with. Someone once said
that you spend the first part of your
life collecting stuff and the second part
getting rid of it. Ain’t it the truth.
While for a time, I may be found
wailing as I wander from empty room
to empty room, pining for my life
that once was, I’m thinking Episode
21: “The One Where Ann & Karl Play
The Stereo Loud” is going to be really
cool and make me very happy. Oh,
and to my girls and sons-in-law: as
soon as that last bird flies the nest, I’m
going to need you to start knocking
instead of just walking in. You’re
absolutely welcome for that visual, fam.
#oldbutnotdead
HOMETOWN LIVING AT I TS BEST 128