“You have written that if backbiting
were to be disallowed there would be
no fun in life. Accordingly, you would
not be able to enjoy your life if you do
not backbite anyone. But what would
you say about the one who backbites
you? If you were to learn that someone
has said some nasty words about
you at a certain gathering, would you
enjoy your life or feel otherwise?”
Let there be one standard for all
The problem is that everyone cares
about their own enjoyment. They do
not think about how they would feel if
they were to be treated the same way
by others. Our beloved Prophet a has
prescribed a remedy to rid society
of all its ills. Such a remedy can only
be prescribed by a Prophet of Allah.
If followed, it would resolve mutual
disputes and rectify society. The prescription
is as follows, ““Love for your
brother what you love for yourself
and dislike for others what you dislike
for yourself” (Ahmed, 4/70).
The moral deterioration in our society
is simply because we have dual
standards in our lives. We choose one
thing for ourselves and another for
everyone else. We must consider at
every step whether we treat others as
we would like them to treat us. We
must ensure not to violate the rights
of others and do injustice to them.
Before we backbite anyone, we must
stop and think, “If he were to speak
of me as I wish to speak of him, how
would I like it?” If we would not like
it, then it is backbiting and we must
avoid it.
People argue that backbiting cannot
be avoided. But I can assure you that
it is by choice and is not an involuntary
act. If to backbite is a choice, then
to refrain from it is a choice as well.
Therefore, we must abstain from it.
When is backbiting allowed?
Backbiting is permissible, however, if
it can save a Muslim from a possible
loss. For instance, if a person inquires
about the character of another person
with whom he wishes to marry his
daughter, then one must disclose
anything bad that he knows about that
person’s character to the enquirer.
This disclosure will save the enquirer
and his daughter from the other
person’s bad character and thus will
not amount to backbiting. Similarly, if
a person is known to be a cheater and
is not considered reliable with money,
then others must be warned to beware
of him. Such a warning to protect others
from loss will also not be considered
backbiting. Therefore, disclosing
someone’s shortcomings to protect
others from loss in this world or the
next, is not considered backbiting.
Backbiting a sinner
People believe that it is permissible to
backbite a sinner and a transgressor.
This is not true. Just like it is disallowed
to backbite a pious person, it is
also not allowed to backbite a sinner
or a fornicator. If the person commits
a sin and tries to conceal it and is
pained by others associating him/her
with it, then mentioning it would not
be allowed. Even if what is said about
him is true, it would still be considered
backbiting. However, if a person
commits a sin in public and does not
mind being remembered by that sin,
then it is permissible to remember
that person by that sin in public. For
example, a man who drinks alcohol
in public and lets everyone know that
he drinks it. If we mention him as
one who drinks alcohol, then it is not
backbiting as he does not mind that
reference.
We must also recognize that just as it
is a sin to use our tongue to backbite
someone, it is also a sin to listen to
it. Therefore, listening to someone
backbiting is not allowed. We should
not only hold our tongues in control
but also keep our ears from listening
to what is forbidden.
Maulana Thanawi used to say, “Do
not talk about anyone, neither good
nor bad about him, because if you
mention anyone with his good qualities,
shaytan would ultimately get
to you and whisper his bad qualities
to you. You would start off by saying
good about him that he is such a good
person but then soon you would start
narrating his bad qualities. Therefore,
do not talk about others at all.”
Worry about yourself
It is important that one should think
about himself. What good is it to refer
to someone else?
If a person is worried about his own
shortcomings, then why would he
search for faults in others. A sick person
does not worry about the sickness
of other people. If a man has a habit
of reflecting over his own faults and
is constantly seeking to rectify them,
then he would never backbite other
people. Bahadur Shah Zafar, the last
Moghul Emperor and a famous poet
has said it very well in one of his poetic
verses:
“Oblivious to my own sins, searching I
was for others’ faults and sins,
When my eyes fell on my own sins, no one
appeared sinful to me.”
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