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Linden Lodge• 295-0600
For your real estate
needs, call Bill & team
at Fore Properties.
910-692-4211
1140 S. Old Hwy #1
Southern Pines, NC 28387
Enjoy ALL THINGS MOORE COUNTY
with Bill Sahadi, CRS, Broker / Owner.
www.foreproperties.com/radio
up in conversation as I seek to understand the
complexities shared between families and
mental illness. Quietly, gently, Barry speaks, “I
married Brendan’s mom when he was four and
a half, and he’s been at Linden Lodge for the
past five years. Originally, we put a singlewide
mobile home on our farm for Bren, but he just
couldn’t handle it. Everything was fine with Bren
until around age 16; his childhood was perfectly
normal. He attended West Virginia University
until he had a psychiatric event during his first
semester in college.” The diagnosis was schizoaffective.
Schizo-affective means you have features of
schizophrenia. Schizophrenia results in a break
with reality—that’s what they call psychotic.
You only have to have one break in your entire
life to get the label of schizophrenia—only one.
The affective part of schizo-affective means you
have features of bipolar which is the moods up
and down. All of the clients at Linden have the
same diagnosis. Marianne shares, “The tough
thing with having both of the illnesses is you had
better be on the right medication. For instance
if somebody just thinks you’re depressed, and
they put you on an antidepressant, then it will
make everything worse if you are bipolar.”
Barry continues, “The other challenge
presents when the doctors are trying to find out
if a medicine works properly, but you’re dealing
with a patient whose mind is telling them there’s
nothing wrong.”
Marianne agrees, “We’re really, really blessed
here as everybody is medication compliant. In
theory they’re supposed to be compliant six
months before they come, but if they were doing
that great, then they wouldn’t be here. Once
they’re here, they feel safe. Two, they know that if
they don’t take their medications then they have
to leave.”
What does Linden Lodge mean to Barry and
his family? “Everything! It’s family,” tells Barry.
Enjoying a normal life before the breakdown
makes the onset of mental illness all the more
challenging! Marianne informs, “It doesn’t have
to be a major life event. One of the biggest
things that can bring it on is extreme stress,
but what stresses one person is not the same
with another. For a physician or a psychiatrist
to make a diagnosis, you really have to know
the individual. When you’re in and out of
the hospital in 3-5 days, they’ll put you on a
medication, but you have to be on that medicine
at least six weeks to see if it works or not. A real
misconception is the way some use the term
recovery as in you take a pill and you’re cured.
No. Everyone thinks the word recovery means,
‘Okay, it’s over.' But it’s never over.”
Recovery with mental illness means,
Marianne finishes, “Stable. Engaged. Setting
goals and trying to keep them.”
Barry agrees, “The biggest challenge with
Brendan is that he operates at such a high level
that reality is too clear to him. He can recognize
the illness, but the illness keeps telling him that
he is not ill. He sees his brothers doing all of
these great things, and he thinks he should be
out earning a living too. It’s difficult for him to
recognize the impact of the illness.”
Advising other families going through this
challenge, Barry encourages, “Connect with
other families.”
For friends and family of those suffering with
mental illness, NAMI remains the top resource,
and Moore County has a chapter. They offer a free
course called Family to Family which explains
the illness, the medication, the communication,
and most importantly the need to release the
guilt. Marianne concurs, “My greatest lesson
learned in having a son with mental illness
is to not beat myself up so much. It is not my
fault. Everybody goes through the guilt—every
single parent, every loved one. Through NAMI,
I realized this illness was something way out of
my control. The other thing I would really like to
see happen is for society to eliminate the stigma
of mental illness.”
One way to accomplish this happens when
Marianne asks the residents to not shy away
from mental illness because that perpetuates
the stigma. She instructs, “When you’re having a
normal conversation and it comes out that you
have a mental illness, people are like, ‘Oh, you’re
so normal!’ ‘Yeah, I am. The illness is not me!’
People need to realize the whole person.”
Education is key. The difficult thing about
mental illness is it can develop around the
teenage years when everybody else is spreading
their wings, and it looks like the affected are just
being a rowdy teenager. It can take a lot before
one realizes something is really wrong.
The story of personal connection flows as
Marianne remembers, “We were a military
family who moved around much more than
the average military family. Keith was an easy
going, smart, athletic young man. He was a
joy! He was accepted at UNC to study mass
communications. Going into his second
semester, he came home saying he needed a
break. After a family discussion, Buck and I
agreed we couldn’t get after him because we
did the same thing. After about a month of not
really doing anything, Keith joined the Army
and soon graduated from Ranger school. When
one of our friends mentioned something was
going on with Keith, my first thought was either
drugs or alcohol. Then his first sergeant called
as they were having a hard time keeping him
awake, and he wouldn’t smile. Keith finished
his enlistment, got an honorable discharge, and
stayed in Savannah to work with family.”
When Marianne’s brother called to say there
was something wrong, Marianne paid a visit.
They went swimming, and when Keith was
underwater talking to the fish—it wasn’t funny;
it was scary. She took him to the doctor, and as
time went on, Keith got worse. “That was the
first of probably 50 hospitalizations,” shares
Marianne. “It took a long time—as he was not
medication compliant. Going from a high
school football player where everything was fine
to deciding to leave school, Keith went downhill
fast. When you get that diagnosis...never in a
million years did I think I would ever be in that
boat. There is not one psychiatric medication
that Keith has not been on—not one. He was 22
when he was diagnosed; now he’s 51. When we
retired to Pinehurst, there was one home for 600
individuals in need.”
Mental illness, complicated to diagnose and
complicated to treat remains a mystery. There
are one hundred billion electrical connections
in the brain. One misfire of one connection
can bring on mental illness. Nine times out of
ten, the misfire destroys some brain matter.
Not affecting the intelligence factor, but rather
the cognitive awareness mainly, the reasoning
in the frontal lobe is most affected. When
somebody develops schizophrenia, whatever
the age of diagnosis, the bearer can remain that
age emotionally.
“As a parent,” continues Marianne, “You
realize that both Keith and I lost his future that
is no longer possible. You grieve the loss. When
he got his diagnosis, it was like somebody had
stabbed me in the heart. It was the most pain
I’d ever felt. For quite a while, Keith’s clarity
would come and go, and he would see his life
compared to what he envisioned; he would
bawl like a baby. You talk about something that
absolutely breaks your heart! You cry, ‘Please,
God, don’t ever let him have that clarity again.’”
Marianne’s greatest hope is that researchers
will be able to discover the causes of mental
illness and treat it before the illness manifests.
This includes the major five: schizophrenia,
bipolar, major depression, OCD, and PTSD.
Schizophrenia is the worst of the five. Schizoaffective
is two in one.
Along with hope, Marianne shares a need,
“As much as we need monetary donations, we
could also use volunteers—we would love to
have a volunteer driver.”
The greatest need remains money; Linden
Lodge receives no government money of state
funds, federal funds, or Medicaid dollars. The
residents’ social security money is used to run
the household, but Marianne assures, “We’re
not making any money. Our goal is to make sure
there is enough funding to sustain and to make
sure that our employees make good salaries. We
don’t bring in enough to cover the operating
budget, but our community always comes
alongside to help.”
Yes, Linden Lodge is a residence for those
with persistent mental illness, but it remains so
much more. Marianne shares, “Linden Lodge is
a safe haven; Linden Lodge has become my life!
My favorite part is the people and the absolute
joy they bring! Our goal is not to medicate the
clients to merely sit in the corner, but rather at
Linden, we desire the residents to be the best
version of themselves! To ensure they’re the best
they can be today.”
Deb agrees, “Linden Lodge has filled my
life with meaningful, rewarding purpose. My
girls will take Emily on a girls’ day out and have
the most fun. Being close to Emily has sparked
conversations with others in the community
about mental illness.”
As the holidays approach, Marianne smiles,
“If I had my Christmas wish come true, then
it would be to take these guys to Biltmore.” As
we all turn our hearts toward home during the
holidays, please open your hearts to the home
on Linden where you are always welcomed for
a visit.
By L.S. Crain, S.Pines resident 1989-2017,
now lives in Taylors, SC, his birthplace.
p.30 The Pinehurst Gazette, Inc. No. 132
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