JACQUES d’ANIELS was originally trained as an astronaut
before entering the world of ballet. Strong but flexible,
good natured but dedicated, sensible but not given to
unbelievable flights of fantastic behavior, Mr. d’Aniels is
an expert on recovering from ballet injuries (including
the dread “Pavlova’s clavicle”).
PEPE DUFKA. The ballet world was rocked to its
foundations last month when Pepe Dufka sued 182 of
New York’s most ardent ballet lovers for loss of
earnings. Mr. Dufka claims that nineteen years of
constant exposure to rotten fruit and vegetables has
led to painful and prolonged bouts of leafmould,
cabbage root fly, and bottom-end rot. Sadly, this historic
court case comes too late for a former colleague, whose
legs were recently crushed by a genetically modified
avocado; he will never dance again.
BORIS DUMBKOPF has been with the greatest ballerinas
of our time and he has even danced with some of them.
One of the first defective Russian male stars, he left the
motherland for purely capitalistic reasons. Amazingly,
between his appearances on television and Broadway,
in movies, commercials, magazines and special events,
and women’s nylons, he occasionally still has time to
dance.
KETEVAN IOSIFIDI. Ketevan was dismissed from the
Kirov Ballet in 1991 when he blackmailed the horn
section of the orchestra and forced them to play Papa
Don’t Preach in the third act of Romeo and Juliet while
he vogued en pointe. Though Ketevan’s appreciation of
high culture is second to none, he still thinks that prima
donna means any song recorded before Like a Virgin.
NICHOLAS KHACHAFALLENJAR. the demi-semi-hemicharacter
dancer from innermost Outer Tashkent, was
awarded the Order of Stalin for his partnering
techniques. Although no ballerina has ever lived to
describe the thrill of his touch, he continues to astound
the public (and elude the police) with his brute strength.
He is fondly known in the Trockadero as "Igor the
Crusher."
STANISLAS KOKITCH, “The Forgotten Man” of ballet, is
hardly ever mentioned in reviews by critics or in
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