Boundaries are Like Tourniquets
The importance of stopping the bleeding not only applies to physical trauma,
but also to the spiritual wounds we sustain in life.
Real Hero Report | September 2019 | 31
Both the Army’s Combat Lifesaver course and the
civilian Emergency Medical Technician course teach the
importance of the “ABCs” of trauma—Airway, Breathing,
and Circulation. Knowing these ABCs helps responders prioritize
their steps when assessing a patient so that they don’t waste any
precious time in a moment of crisis.
During my deployment to Iraq, my fellow soldiers and I were
left cargo pocket—so that we would know exactly where it was
in case we needed to use it on ourselves or our battle buddies. As
blast wounds to extremities from IEDs were common, it was often
possible to save someone’s life by applying a tourniquet quickly
enough to stop the bleeding and get them back to base. Leading a
convoy team, my guys and I were well aware of the dangers we
faced and were humbled by the knowledge we might have to use
this device and the responsibility that came with it.
After returning home, I became interested in EMS work and
landed a job with my county’s ambulance service. The ABCs of
run.
duty, the urgency of using a tourniquet to stop the bleeding can’t
be overstated. This led me to another even greater truth: the
importance of stopping the bleeding not only applies to physical
trauma but also to the spiritual wounds we sustain in life.
This dawned on me after my wife Sarah and I attended Love
Reboot, a weekend workshop for couples in crisis led by Jon
Anderson. (Side note: Love Reboot is unrelated to the REBOOT
Recovery.) Our marriage had been suffering as we struggled to
deal with the aftereffects of my combat trauma, and Sarah and I
had determined this was the last thing we were going to try before
During the workshop, Jon brought to light four statements that
were totally eye-opening for me.
in charge of my healing—not my wife, not the VA—me. If I
changed myself for the better, my relationship with my wife
understand that she had spent way too much time and energy
trying to change me when I wasn’t ready or willing, and that only
seemed to make our situation worse. Putting these truths into
practice helped Sarah and me work through our struggles, and
I’m thankful that our marriage not only survived but is thriving
today more than ever.
These new realizations extended into another pivotal
component of healing: putting boundaries in place for ourselves.
And what I discovered is that setting a boundary on myself is
similar to applying a tourniquet to a wound in order to stop the
bleeding.
What do I mean by that? Well, think about an EMT who
comes upon the victim of a car accident who is trapped inside the
vehicle. While the rescue team works on extrication, the victim is
writhing in pain from a broken femur. Looking further down the
leg, though, the EMT notices an arterial bleed. Even though the
broken femur is what’s causing the excruciating pain, the EMT
must apply a tourniquet in order to stop the bleeding before the
deeper, more serious injury can be addressed.
It’s the same with spiritual wounds. We can’t address the root
causes of our issues until we “stop the bleeding”—until we put an
end to poor choices about our behaviors and habits.
In our REBOOT courses, we have a name for these unwise,
self-medicating behaviors: “go-to painkillers.”
Alcohol was one of my go-to painkillers. I was in denial for
way too long that I could handle just one drink, but one was never
enough; my body always wanted more. It became clear to me that
healing from trauma was hard enough being sober, and looking
So, I decided to put a hard boundary in place for myself: not to
drink alcohol at all. This is a change that only I could make for
myself. Now, it’s been so long since I’ve had a drink that I forget
the last time I had one. Thankfully, it no longer controls me.
When I decided to apply a tourniquet in order to “stop the
bleeding” that was coming from this area of struggle in my life,
it allowed me to work toward deeper healing unhindered by this
stumbling block.
So, here are two challenging questions that are worth asking
yourself.
1. What am I doing that’s getting in the way of my own
healing?
2. What boundaries can I put in place to stop the bleeding?