I am wholly uninspired writing this article at the moment. Its mid-winter still
and the Taxi Tales have been uneventful for months now. Even in our exciting field,
there are down times. Telling a story of a few quiet slow nights, where I struggle
to stay awake, is just not gonna cut it for the high expectations I hold myself to.
In five years of stories, I’ve never had to completely make something up, and
I’m not about to start now. So, let’s look ahead to March, and the start of spring.
The return of the throngs of people, beach days, big parades, and of course, the
best day on Tybee all year. The month is full of chances for our loyal readers and
visiting friends to give me some new material to work with.
The big headliner for the month has to be St. Patrick’s Day. It’s a milestone
event for the whole region every year. For us, it signifies the return of the good
times. Money is easy again and work days won’t drag anymore. I hold it in high
regard because it’s part of the reason my family made it here. Mom and Dad
weren’t ones to go away very often on parent’s week off when we were kids, but
when they did, it was St. Paddy’s in Savannah. I’ve heard stories, and I know they
used to tear it up on River Street. Tales involving swimming in green fountains,
hallucinogenics, running from the cops and tipping over port-a-johns come to
mind, and I know that it’s part of the reason we love this place like we do. Of
course, living here now, I guess it’s a little different.
Driving on those days, it seems like more or less an excuse for people to get
completely tanked and drink whiskey for 15 straight hours. Being there though
and being involved, you can tell that the committee really pours their hearts and
souls and livers into pulling that thing off. If nothing else, this presents you all
with an opportunity to get stupid in the cab and deliver some inspiration for my
next article. Ball’s in your court guys! I will say, if my father drives our Tybee
contingent downtown for the 5th year in a row, he should get a jacket. He could
be an honorary Irish-Polock!
Also coming back this month, beach days! I’m certainly ready to put my pale
18 TYBEE BEACHCOMBER | MARCH 2020
By Joey Goralczyk
and flabby self out there. The beach in spring is the best. It’s not too hot or too
crowded and the locals can get a head start on our tanning and day-drinking.
Daiquiris and the sun? This is another good chance for us to perform some Taxirelated
shenanigans we so desperately need. So oil up, drink up and call a cab.
Of course, there is my favorite day of the year. It’s my Christmas, Independence
Day and Birthday all in one - The Kevin Carpenter Tybee Bar Olympics. I know
it’s not everyone’s cup of tea and I understand why, but I cannot express how
wondrous it is. It’s you and a couple hundred of your closest friends, RESPONSIBLY
acting a fool and having the time of your lives. All for a good cause to boot. It’s
the perfect way to end the winter and start the busy season with one last hurrah.
I cannot stress enough that this is no time to drive. Take a Breezy, a Turtle,
an uber, a full sized bike, a unicycle, or a pogo stick, just don’t drive. Golf carts
included. They are motor vehicles too. This is such an opportunity to provide
Breezy with a good story that you should be ashamed if you don’t. The powers that
be don’t care for this event, and one DUI is gonna end it. That would be TRAGIC.
So come out and watch the biggest congregation of locals all year entertain you
and themselves. You won’t be disappointed, and there are some pretty awesome
prizes out there for you too.
Alright guys. It’s up to you now. Get out there and get a little stupid for me, then
call Breezy. Otherwise this article is gonna get a little fictional.
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