Only Timeshare on the Coast of Georgia
By Hollie Sessoms
36 TYBEE BEACHCOMBER | SEPT 2020
Located Behind the Pier & Pavillion
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How to be Unproductive
Covid lockdowns have taught me a lot about myself, life, and my place in the universe. Some people have used this time to learn new skills, spend quality time
with their kids, and get into fantastic shape. I’ve used this time to sample every series on Netflix, pick ALL of the lint out of my bellybutton, and see how much
wine I can drink before my husband takes me to the Betty Ford Clinic. And I’ve come away from all this with solid gold advice for my fellow slackers out there.
1. Do easy things first. Hard things are…well…hard. Why do them first? No. Best to save those hard things for later. We’re so tired now, we’ll totally have
more energy later and baby, will we tackle all those hard things on our list.
2. Don’t get enough sleep. Sleep is for the weak. Staying awake all night playing video games and searching the internet is for people like us. Who says we
need sleep? Probably someone super well-rested who isn’t thinking right.
3. Give yourself all the time in the world. Some people say we should break big projects into little chunks and then set deadlines to have those chunks
completed. I say we need some room to think about things. Say we need to clean our bathroom. Who says it has to be done this hour, or even this morning, or
even this week! Give yourself months to get that bathroom cleaned. We’ll get around to it eventually.
4. Don’t give rejection a chance. You know how sometimes we try to do things and then we fail. That totally sucks, right? No one likes to fail. No one likes to
be rejected. Best way to close the door on rejection? Never open it in the first place. You know how that Samuel Beckett quote goes: “Never tried. Never failed.
That’s okay. Don’t try again. Don’t fail again. Don’t fail harder.” Or whatever it was that Beckett said….
5. Start your mornings out right. We should begin our days with a cup of strong coffee and some Facebook, then we can head on over to Instagram to see
what’s shaking, after that it’s a quick trot to Twitter to see what we need to be outraged over. When we decide that outrage requires too much energy, we can
mosey on over to YouTube for some cute cat videos. By then, who knows what new stuff is on Facebook, so we start the circuit over again. Do this until that
pot of coffee is drained. By then it’s probably an acceptable time for wine.
6. Put blame where blame is due. We all know who is to blame for the way our life has turned out. That’s right—all those losers who never gave us a chance!
Also, we just never had the time to do all the things we wanted to do. And did we mention how tired we are all the time? We are super tired.
Follow these six simple rules and you too can be just as unproductive as me. Slackers unite! Maybe tomorrow…or the next day…. Actually, I’ll get back to you
on that uniting thing, I’m feeling like I might want a nap here for a minute.
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