After I said yes to writing this month’s rant, I realized I don’t really have
anything to rant about.
Don’t get me wrong – there’s plenty of things out there that are irritating.
Mosquitoes. Papercuts. Passwords. These are all Highly Irritating Things
(HIT). But to do a full article on Mosquitoes would be as irritating as the
buzzing noise you hear when you are being bombarded by those buzzing
little blood suckers. So no, that’s not a good premise for an article. Ditto
for papercuts and passwords.
Another item on my HIT list is the movie Whiplash. I love the movie. The
acting is perfect, in fact so perfect I just HATE one of the characters. It’s
a must see. Whiplash features a prodigy drummer (Miles Teller) and an
overbearing teacher (JK Simmons) who is a complete a**hole. (Bonus
Fact: If you think the teacher in Whiplash is a hero, you should be aware
that this means you’re an a**hole.) But this isn’t a movie review; it’s a
monthly rant! But take it from me, if you want to know if you are an a**hole,
watch the movie Whiplash, and if you are cheering for the teacher… yah.
Now you know.
Other things that fall on my HIT List, in no particular order, and sometimes
accompanied by Bonus Facts:
possible some of these smelly citizens get used to it and become nose
blind. (Keep this Bonus Fact handy: If you can smell yourself, so can we.)
Now you know.
get one of those fantastic beards without all the itching! (Bonus Fact: Did
you know they actually make beard shampoo?) Now you know.
you have found a parking spot at Sam’s Club or Walmart, only to find out
at the last minute that there is one lonely shopping cart sitting perfectly in
your spot. (Bonus Fact: You cannot smash through the cart if you are in a
Jeep. Well technically you can, as Jeeps can smash through many things.
Be warned: your spouse will become very upset.) Now you know.
light. There’s a special place on the HIT list for the one red light that lets
one car go and then turns red for another 2 minutes. (There is no bonus
fact here.) It’s just irritating.
of cereal, and then open the fridge to realize there’s no milk. The agony. It’s
a drive of shame to the market to get more milk, but one you must endure.
walks of shame as well. Usually the walks involve the vacuum cleaner.
I’m vacuuming the floor, getting a good sweat up, but the cord is ALWAYS
two feet short. Sigh. Turn off the machine. Walk of shame back to the
plug. (Bonus Fact: You can try to cheat and just yank the plug out from
afar, but this will always result in a bent plug, which can sometimes be
straightened, but not always.) It only takes one bent plug to incur the wrath
of someone. Now you know!
on Tybee, then Hurricanes have to be number one irritating thing on all our
lists. Walking outside into a hurricane is highly irritating. (Bonus Fact: Don’t
do this! Unless you like the teacher in Whiplash.) If you’re pro Whiplash
teacher, then yes, hurricane walking is a perfect hobby for you. Enjoy your
stroll! And yes, now you know!
TYBEE BEACHCOMBER | MAY 2018 11
It’s Beach Bum time again! It’s the time that all of us Tybeeites once again
give over our beloved island to the annual pilgrimage of tourists, from
parts unknown, for the summer. And what better way to do it than with a
parade (everyone knows how we love parades here on Tybee).
But this isn’t just any parade. Although we do have a Grand Marshall,
Big Kahuna and a Beach Bum Queen, there will be no marching bands,
Shriners, Clydesdales, politicians (well, you might see our mayor in the
parade), etc. This is a one-of-a-kind all out water gun fight that is fun for
the entire family. Every float will be loaded down with an abundance of
water and beach bums with one purpose - to get you wetter than they get.
If you plan on being here, you WILL get wet, no ifs ands or buts.
With that in mind, there are a few rules of etiquette that you may
need to know:
1. Do not, under any circumstance, spray water at our Police!! They are
here to keep you safe. They are also wearing very expensive equipment.
This will cost you dearly – not only will you miss out on the rest of the
parade, but this will land you in court with a hefty fine. So just don’t do it.
2. Bring plenty of water. The water in your water gun will last somewhere
around 5-10 seconds. Some ideas are: put water in your coolers, load a
wagon with containers of water, get there early enough to park your car
or truck along the parade route and have it filled with containers of water.
If all else fails, find someone to buddy up to that brought plenty of water,
and become fast friends with them.
3. Keep your valuables safe. A ziploc baggie or a sealed container works
well to protect your phones, wallets, cameras, cigarettes, etc. Or better
yet, leave them at home or in your car.
4. Do not use ice water in your water gun. Brrrr!! The parade doesn’t
start until dusk, so it’s already starting to cool down. It’s just downright
mean people!
5. Keep an eagle eye on your children. There is a lot of traffic, tourists,
drunk people, etc. Keep those little ones safe while they are having fun.
6. Bring towels and/or a change of clothes. Believe me, you will be wet
and cold when the parade is over. Come prepared.
7. Make sure your water guns are in good working order. Nothing
worse than getting to the parade and having your line of protection fail
you. Might be a good idea to
bring back ups.
8. No pressure washers
or water balloons are
allowed. We are here to
have fun, not endanger
people.
9. Drink responsibly. I’m
sure this will fall on a lot
of deaf ears, but try to wait
until the parade is over to
get your drinking on. Just
don’t want anyone getting
in trouble! Yes, I’m talking
to you … you know who you
are.
10. Have FUN and get wet!
The Highly Irritating Things
(HIT) List
Beach Bum Etiquette
By J. Beebs
By Margie McLellan