TYBEE BEACHCOMBER | OCT 2019 11
By Jimmy Prosser
If you’re reading this, I am dead. Dead to Tybee that is, because I
moved to Florida! Yeehaw! If you follow the magazine’s Facebook page
like you’re supposed to, this information would not be new to you. In fact,
you would have attended my going away party at the Wind Rose. Which
was awesome, again you would know this. But for those of you who
were unable to, or too chicken to (insert Arrested Development Chicken
Imitations here), I have written a limerick explaining all you need to
know about my sudden urge to abandon my island life, and move to an
apartment complex in the big city. Ahem.
There once was a beach bum named Jummy.
And from the outside his life looked chummy.
But everything was out of hand.
Since his home was always full of sand.
So he moved from the beach - he’s no dummy.
(That actually turned out better than I thought.)
Moving forward… (Fun Fact #1: Does anyone remember the last time
I did a fun fact?) (Fun Game #1: First person to go back and correctly
figure out the last time I did Fun Facts wins a prize). My decision to leave
Tybee was not an easy one. I had made this little island home for nearly
five years, and I love Tybee, I always will. But somewhere along the way
I stopped being excited, I didn’t care about living on the beach, or being
close to the water. The quirkiness of the island became something I took
for granted, and while hearing crazy stories about things locals had
done used to bring joy, lately it stopped. So while I still love this place, I
decided it was best to leave (also, I’m from Michigan and there’s nothing
we dislike more than people from Ohio, which makes up 100% of Tybee
tourists).
So why Florida? (Fun Fact #2: It looks like a penis, need I say more?)
You know when you read a national headline, and it starts out “Florida
Man” followed by some absolutely insane story? My life goal is to be that
national headline. And you can’t be a “Florida Man” if you’re a resident of
Georgia. Besides that, I wanted to be in a big city where I was still close
enough to come visit at the drop of a hat. I hate Savannah, don’t tell
anyone, I mean I loathe that city. And I’m too poor to live in Charleston.
Atlanta, from what I know about it, is a cheesy knock off of Chicago but
with more traffic. And Charlotte seemed cool, but I have all of my teeth,
so I would stick out. That left me with Jacksonville - which happens to
be the only city I mentioned above that is also in Florida.
I do not have a job lined up, nor do I know anyone in Jacksonville,
and while that may sound crazy to pack up my life and go there, that’s
how I came to (Whitemarsh then) Tybee years ago on a whim. The only
difference is this time I’ve actually visited before I moved. And did more
research of the area. By the time you read this I will have a job, for that
I am certain. And I have no intention of leaving the Beachcomber, mostly
because I was told the only way I could was to sacrifice a virgin into any
volcano on Tybee, and it turns out we have none. Which means I’m stuck
with the Beachcomber by Iron clad contract. Who wrote this? Tyler?
The one thing I need you all to do is (Fun Game #2)… help suggest
a new name for my column. Bad Advice From a Beach Bum doesn’t
stand when it’s more like Inane Ramblings From a Resident Of Duval
County. So come up with a great name, and keep sending in your great
questions. I’ll miss you all (well, a percentage of you) and just know, I’ve
already started deleting a lot of you from Facebook.
Xoxo Jimmy (former Mayoral Candidate, former Beach Bum, former
Tybee Resident)
Located On The Pier, RipTide
Has The Best Views on Tybee!!
Come hang out for the scenery and stay to enjoy
excellent cocktails and a full variety of options!
Recently renovated!
When it's all about the location and the vibe,
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