Embroidery & Boutique Caldwell’s Cottage
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TREY & ANGELA
SONNY BLACK
PIRATE GEAR
802 1st St. HWY 80 Tybee Island
The Perfect Treasure for your Pirate!
T-shirts, Hats, Jackets, Flags & more!
WE ALSO RIDE OFF THE ISLAND!
Dizzy Deans
1516 Butler Ave. Tybee Island
42 TYBEE BEACHCOMBER | DEC 2019
BAD ADVICE
FROM A
FLOR-IDIOT
Have we done hobbies? No? Splendid.
By Jimmy Prosser
Here are a list of hobbies and what they say about you as a person:
• Kite Flying - No one enjoys being around you. I could elaborate but
why waste my time, ya damn kite fliers.
• Wheel Throwing - Now I love to throw pottery. The wheel, the moist
clay squishing out of your fingers like a handful of mushy strawberries.
Is there anything more relaxing? I bet not. Also, I think I confused the
word stressful with the word relaxing. Throwing is NOT relaxing.
• Fishing - If I had to guess, fishing dates back decades to the early/
mid 1940s. It consists of losing bait in the ocean while drinking beer.
One time I caught a snake. And I never fished again. Don’t pick a hobby
that involves snakes.
• Knitting - Once known as Lady-Stick-Finger-Dancing is the art
of taking rope or string and making something out of it, like a quilt,
potholder, trivet, or ball of yarn. This hobby is quickly becoming extinct
as it’s extremely boring. And you can’t text and knit. One of them has to
go - and we all know texting is here to stay.
• Sports - I was going to break this down, but let me summarize all
sports relatively simply. You move the “ball” away from you by hitting/
kicking/throwing/passing/ dribbling, and then proceed after it. This goes
on for a predetermined amount of time. And then the sport is finished.
Apply this equation to Baseball/Hockey/Basketball/Football/Soccer/
Rugby/Golf/Volleyball/Lacrosse/Croquet/Badminton/Pickle Ball/Tennis/
Bocce Ball/Beer Pong/Corn Hole/Squash/Polo/Tetherball/Gaga Ball/
Putt Putt - they’re all the same. You’re not unique. And yelling at the
television does not affect the outcome of the game. Y’all are giving me
a damn headache.
• Wine Tasting - Bitch please, you just want a reason to get drunk and
wear pants.
• Jet Skiing - You grew up poor, worked hard, now you have some
money and don’t know how to invest it wisely.
• Crafting - Crafting is the art of taking unrelated items and combining
them to make an item or gift that no one wants. I still have every made
item I’ve ever received. They live in a Rubbermaid tub with a warped lid
labeled ‘closet.’
There you have it. Be kind to one another. Also, Merry Christmas, Happy
New Year, but most importantly have fun returning all the gifts you don’t
like!
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