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ASK DR. SHARON
doctorotis@nextgenmagazine.org
Be A Friend
But Be
The Leader!
I am a single parent. How can I be a good
parent under these circumstances?
-MJ, Bradenton
Parenting is difcult under any circumstances, but it is really
tough to be a single parent. I know, because I was one.
The total responsibility stops with you. Single parents have
little resources like time or money. I have listed some positive
strategies just for you
Get a good support system. Ask for help. “It takes a village to
raise a child.” Find other single parents and create a give and
take parenting co-op. I had a deposit/withdrawal system with
several of my friends. If I watched their kids, I got a deposit, and
when they watched mine, I received a withdrawal.
We built a bankable system with each other so one person did
not do all the work. Other single parents need each other. Do
not be shy about asking extended family to help out so you can
get some alone time.
Look for other parents at your school and in the neighborhood.
I have often sought out younger parents that I can mentor and
support. I love kids so I do not mind taking their children for an
hour or two while they take a nap or go grocery shopping. I am
a grandma to a few families, and love to be called Mimi. A few
of my grandchildren call a neighbor Aunt Linda because has
been there since birth.
Take time for you. This is not a selsh idea. Taking time for
yourself makes you more able to deal with stressful situations.
Have children over for play dates. In exchange, you can go for a
walk or swim, or hit the beach while they are at a friend’s house.
If you make you a priority, energy will ow to your children.
Take a bubble bath, get a manicure, buy yourself owers, get a
massage, write to old friends, ride your bike, try new make-up,
go to the beach, window shop, download a new tune, volunteer.
I know time and money are limited, but helping others increases
your self-esteem and may add to your support system.
Keep a routine. Kids need to have the same things happen at
the same time every day but with exibility. Make sure everything
in your home has a home. Socks go in a sock drawer, shoes
in the shoe shelf, and toys go in the box. Set a timer and see
if they can beat the timer. Do not vary bedtimes more than an
hour on weekends.
Have healthy boundaries. Spell out the household rules and
post the rules. Have chore cards and put one on their bed in
the morning like clean kitty litter, unload dishwasher, vacuum by
5pm. Do not over identify with their feelings. You can be their
friend during friendship time - but for right now the children need
you to be their leader.
Do have fun! The time with your children will speed by, and
soon they will be leaving for college. Enjoy your children and take
them on outings that are inexpensive like our beaches. et your
children involved in sports, art, dance, or musical opportunities.
Extracurricular activities can be expensive, but some churches
have teams of their own or musicals, and some schools have
clubs that are free.
Parenting is hard and doing the job as a single parent takes
planning and help. Do not be afraid to build your support system,
be in the moment, and enjoy this time as it passes so quickly!
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