comfort someone in such things
that lead to the displeasure of Allah.
You must remember that nothing is
accomplished without effort. So, if
you agree that backbiting is sinful and
that it will ruin your Hereafter, then
you must make effort and use your
willpower. Then, Allah will help you
and it will be easy for you to avoid the
sin.
Backbiting is when he minds
Someone asked Maulana Thanawi the
following question, “Because of our
close relationship with someone, is
it forbidden for us to say something
about him that is normally disliked in
society, but because of our informal
relationship, it is not to the degree
that they would have a problem with
it?”
In other words, some people have a
very close relationship. They may be
childhood friends who joke and say
things to one another in a light vein.
Now, if one of them speaks about the
other in his absence in a derogatory
manner, will it be excused because of
the nature of their friendship or do is
amount to backbiting?
Maulana Thanawi replied, “If the
friend disapproves, then that is
enough for it to be forbidden no
matter how they are said or received.
And if there is doubt about the
undesirability, still it is best to avoid
it altogether. However, if it is certain
that it that would not be disliked,
then it is outside the boundaries of
backbiting.”
In conclusion, Hazrat Thanawi is
saying that if there is even a one
percent chance that the friend
about whom the remarks are passed
will not mind them if he heard
them, then those remarks do not
form backbiting. For instance, a
friend may say to another, “You are
very unfaithful.” Then, in another
gathering later, the friend says about
him when his name comes up, “How
can we rely on such an unfaithful
person?” Now, the word unfaithful is
such that a stranger would certainly
be offended. In friendship however,
this is not normally an offensive
statement. Thus, if one is confident
that his friend will not mind when
he hears the remark, then it does not
amount to backbiting. But, if there
is a possibility that he might not like
it and may feel hurt, then it must be
understood that it is forbidden.
Such humor is not allowed
We learn something more from this.
Sometimes, close friends pull each
other’s leg and make fun of each
other. Others are then prompted to
make fun of him too. Although they
mean no harm, the friend is disturbed
or hurt (by the statement of that
non-friend), in which case their own
friend’s fun-making is not allowed.
However, if a friend is certain that the
other will not mind the leg-pulling
and disparaging statements, then it is
allowed to pass those remarks about
him in his presence and behind his
back.
In short, there are three possibilities:
1. Where there is certainty that he
will dislike the remarks, then
they should not be said and it is
forbidden.
2. Where there is a possibility that
he would dislike the remarks,
then too it is unlawful.
3. If it is certain that he would not
mind, then it is allowed to make
such remarks.
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