Life
in conversation
with dana bowman
author of “how to be perfect
like me”
Tackling heavy issues such as overwhelming
dread, marital dissatisfaction, death
of loved ones, and the depression
accompanying parenthood, HOW TO BE
PERFECT LIKE ME rejects quick fixes and opts
for radical acceptance. And, it is Bowman’s
profound choice to embrace humor in the face
of despair rather than to relentlessly live up to
society’s unattainable ideals that liberates her
readers from oppressive perfectionism.
1 why was relapsing the
best thing that happened
for your recovery?
I grew up with a father who liked to tell me,
“Dana, do it right the first time, or it’s not worth
doing at all,” and I would turn away from him
and roll my eyes so hard it gave me a headache.
Backstory on my dad: he too is in recovery. Also,
he never relapsed. So, he truly did recovery right,
the first time. I don’t know how to put total
failure in a good light, but my relapse taught me
more about myself than my first three years of
sobriety. Recovery was worth doing “not right”
the first time, for me, because it showed me what
true tenacity is. I learned that slogging through
the tough stuff (because recovery, part two, is
really tough) is painful, boring, awful, repetitive,
and pretty much just a total pain in the ass, but
it’s doable. I screwed up. I relapsed. And then, I
came back, and I did it all again, the learning,
the meetings, the recovery, the reaching out
and I survived.
It’s tough to talk about relapse in a positive way,
because I don’t want anyone to think, “Well, look!
Relapse is GOOD for you! Let’s do this!” because
that’s nutty. But, if it happens, it’s not necessarily
a death sentence. That’s the paradox of recovery
— it is a matter of life and death. But also? It’s
a matter of just dusting yourself off, getting
back on the path. It’s not easy, but it’s simple.
As Dory would say, in Finding Nemo, “Just keep
swimming.” The sharks are out there, yes, but
we keep swimming. What other choice is there?
2why do you think
alcoholism has been
impacting moms at
higher rates in recent years?
I was struggling with postpartum depression
and slowly sinking into alcoholism, and yet all
I could see were moms happy and fulfilled and
playing with glitter. A nice vat of wine at the end
of each day shut down that screechy and constant
voice telling me, “You are not doing enough. Your
children need to have the best possible mom in
the best possible way. Step it up, Dana.” Wine shut
that voice right up, and I welcomed the reprieve.
26 WomanToWomanMagazine.com
/WomanToWomanMagazine.com
