Doctor Google By Jenny Ellis
We don’t all love google (or trust her) but I’ll tell you one thing, she’s a handy lil peach! I can’t tell you how much google has influenced my
professional and personal life. Amazing organization tools for both my business and social life. I never lose contacts or images, and I always know
where I’m going. She’s (google is a woman, duh) even helped me stalk the crap out of some potential boyfriends. Saved me some drama, that’s
for sure! So, as I am a fan of google and what she can do, the one thing I’m guilty of and despise doing, is using her as a doctor consultant. She’s
been right about restaurant reviews, fastest routes to work, hours and operations of your favorite head shop, etc., but one thing she got wrong
was health.
We’ve all done it, the dreaded google search of strange symptoms. This is probably too much information for the average reader, but my digestion
has been way off. I’m talking, ALL over the bowel movement spectrum. Naturally, I decide to add up all my symptoms in one google search and
beep, boop, beep boop = I’m dying of colon cancer and have a 70% chance of surviving radiation therapy. WTF!? I haven’t even had my morning
coffee. Or seen a qualified doctor for that matter. I mean, where did Dr. Google even go to medical school and what are her credentials?? I’ve done
this in the past and after everything checked out fine, I swore I would never google my symptoms again, but low and behold, here I am in bed dying.
Even my dog is looking at me like, no you’re not (and I need to pee). No matter what symptom you are looking for, it’s the same result: “Chances
are it’s nothing but mayyybbee you should see a doctor because it’s probably a life threatening disease.” Talk about free advice.
I don’t know a lot of people who can read that there is a chance this could be it and not totally FREAK out, which is exactly what I did. “I HAVE A
HORRIBLE DISEASE,” I told Ryan right as he entered the door from work. He just started laughing, which I love him for because he knows I have a
tinge of crazy in me that rears its ugly head in situations like these. So I make an REAL doctor’s appointment with a GI specialist. Turns out he is a
top doc in the country, under 40, and handsome as hell. Now I have to not only tell him about my bowel movements (mortified), but also that google
has already done his job and it’s over for me. He laughed too. I mean, yesterday I thought I was dying and today I’m taking an over-the-counter
probiotic and some yogurt and already feel better and avoided a rectal exam, thank god.
Moral of the story, please don’t google your symptoms because it’s scary and scary inaccurate. It will only cause panic and make you look foolish
to your hot doctor and boyfriend. Also, if you are experiencing symptoms that you have noticed and you are too scared to find out what they mean,
a doctor’s office (conventional, alternative, functional, all are great), is the best place to discuss this. Google is not qualified to diagnose you and
she doesn’t have a great approach so just avoid her for those departments. Listen to your body first and to someone who is knowledgeable and
who you feel comfortable with. Cheers to a healthy you Tybee!
TYBEE BEACHCOMBER | AUG 2018 9