Everybody’s got a Pirate Story
TYBEE BEACHCOMBER | OCT 2018 17
I was on the phone the other day with my sister, and we were talking
about how time flies and all the small things siblings talk about, when she
offhandedly remarked that it’s almost October. “Yup,” I agreed, “and that
means Halloween!” And I guess for the most of the United States, it does
mean Halloween. But, my sister pointed out, on Tybee there’s always a
bit more. On Tybee, October means Pirate Fest ... and after that you sort
of stumble into Halloween. And then she asked me… “Do you have any
pirate stories?”
“Uh Sis…” I said, “Everybody has a pirate story. Everybody.”
“That’s not true,” she replied, “and I will wager you an icy cold six pack
of Corona.”
That brings us to this article. You know the wager … now here’s the
argument.
First, let it be known that I love this whole Pirate Fest thing because a.) I
like to drink and get rowdy with friends, and b.) In general, I just I love a
good fest. And I am absolutely good with Pirates, mainly because I know a
ton of them, and have been known to dabble in a bit of minor piracy myself
in my younger years.
But back to the argument: we all have a pirate story. The fact is, pirates are
not rare. We all know someone or are related to someone who is at least
half pirate. I guess that’s why we can celebrate Pirates. I mean, if you were
celebrating something that was extremely rare, no one would know what
to do. Hey for November, let’s celebrate the Tybee Unicorn Fest! In August,
we could do the Tybee Plutonium Fest! And let’s not forget July, where
we are celebrating the Tybee AB Negative Blood Type Fest! Outside of the
drinking, no one would know what to do on any of these days, and some of
you are scaring me with your mascot suggestions for Tybee Unicorn Day.
Nope, Pirate Fest is best, because we all know a Pirate or two, and we
know how to be Pirates. In fact, a Pirate is not really a person, but more
of a lifestyle. And when you define Pirate as a lifestyle … we all have our
stories. Just here in the pub, the lads asked me to share the following:
• Can everyone give a shout-out to Honey who dresses everyday like a
Pirate! Argh! Ahoy Matey!
• And hello to Mr. Dan, who has hooks for hands and can still destroy all
comers on the golf course! Shiver me timbers!
• And I don’t want to get political … but some of you have crossed the line
of respectable piracy and you know who you are, ya damn scurvy dogs.
Don’t forget to Vote ya landlubbers!
There were tons of stories… It seems like everyone knows someone who
dresses and/or acts the part all year around. One of my friends, a police
officer, said he wasn’t sure it counted, but he had arrested some dude
with a peg leg and a long black beard. Ah yes, that counts. And one friend
was very quiet for a long time, and then looked up and said, “I finally
understand my boss.” It’s a day drinking breakthrough! Huzzah!
Of course, I mentioned I have a Pirate story. I have a ton of them. But my
favorite Pirate story is from my own childhood … because I grew up with
a Pirate. His name was Stan, he had a peg leg, a grey beard, and was not
above some mild thievery and piracy of whiskey. He had a fascination for
hunting, seafood, and drinking. He was 100% Pirate, and in general was
a wild man whose travels in life ranged from working as a Hollywood
stuntman to being a ranch hand in the Wild Wild West. And if you don’t
believe me, you can ask my sister … yup, that’s right … the one that
doesn’t believe everybody has a Pirate Story.
So yes, dear Sis, I had to remind you of your own Pirate Story. So just know
that I will be showing up unannounced, with a Jimmy Buffet Parrot on my
shoulder, and will grandly strike my best Captain Morgan pose on your bar.
And hey! You just get to smile, because you’re getting the first round of
Coronas! Happy Pirate Fest Tybee!
By J. Beebs