SpankysBeachside.com | 912-786-5520
14 TYBEE BEACHCOMBER | MAR 2019
By Jimmy Prosser
Russian-American Writer/Philosopher Ayn Rand once said: “Judge
a man by his questions rather than his answers,” which I take
offensively as having my own incredible advice column in Tybee
Island’s premier magazine. But this got me thinking (dangerous I
know), how can we all live our lives better, and spend less time
feeling offended by those around us. Well, here’s my answers to my
own damn question. Giddy up!
Step One: Be really mean and sarcastic to everyone, thus they
won’t want to talk to you. If no one is around you, then they can’t
possibly offend you. That’s probably why I don’t have any friends -
by choice. (Fun Fact #1: I just hurt my own feelings.)
Step Two: Try to see things from the other person’s point of view,
even if they’re an idiot. Try to walk a mile in their shoes. Literally,
borrow my Fitbit, steal their shoes. If you start to see things in their
light, just try not to do anything dangerous, or do, I’m not your
mother, I’m a magazine article. A sexy magazine article.
Step Three: Always assume everything everyone tells you is a lie.
We all use the same source for our information. The Library! Just
kidding, no one goes there anymore. Real humans use the Internet.
It’s sad, writers spend hundreds of hours turning their stories into
what you hold before you, using old fashioned typewriters and desk
top computers, journaling in leather bound notebooks with gold leaf
trim, to have their priceless works crammed into a musty old library.
(Fun Fact #2: I write all my articles in the notes app on my iPhone, then I copy
and paste them in an email.)
Step Four: Try to be a positive change in the world. Even though
you’re probably lazy and unmotivated, and never accomplish
anything - like me (Fun Fact #3: This article was due three days ago.),
try to be a better person, open your eyes, and try to open someone
else’s, even if you have to use force.
Step Five: Put down your phone, close your lap top, and power
down your desktop (if anyone still has one of those, do they still
make those?). Take a walk on the beach. And breathe.
I hope this has brought new light to your life, if not, you’re tacky and
we all gossip about you.
Open 7 Days a Week | On the Strand Across from the Pier
Take Out Available | Full Menu Online
/SpankysBeachside.com