10 Rules for Surviving a Tybee Parade
By Mike Manitta
1. Parking - If you must drive to the festivities, then please obey the islands parking rules. Most parking on Tybee is metered, so make sure you pay.
Our Parking Services department is very efficient. Please don’t help yourself to someone’s lawn or apartment space, that’s just asking for trouble and
most likely an expensive tow.
2. Pace Yourself - I know you probably are, or were, the king of your frat house, but Tybee folks are in a league of their own. Going shot for shot with
Jameson, with a tequila chaser, with the locals at noon, probably isn’t a safe bet. The bars close at 3am so make sure you eat something and have an
occasional glass of water at least, so we have a sporting chance of putting up with your obnoxious butt.
3. Don’t Litter - You would think this could go unsaid, however, please be respectful of our little island. We love having you as our guest, but for god
sake please clean up after yourself. As long as you are of age, you are allowed to drink in public as long as you don’t bring glass outside (it must be in
a non-glass cup). There are plenty of trash cans and butt buckets around the island. Use them. Or go crazy out of your way and hang on to your trash
til you come upon one, like a human being.
4. Be Patient - The island is going to be busy. You know this going in. A little patience and understanding goes a long way. Don’t go bat crazy on your
server, bartender or cab driver, they are working long hours and people have descended on us like a termite infestation. We are glad you are here to
relax and unwind, so please do just that.
5. Don’t Pee in Public - Just don’t. It’s just plain gross and inconsiderate. We are not Neanderthals. You can hold it. Maybe some rule # 4 can help with
this. If you get caught then you should, and will, be reprimanded. Plus, you’re probably inebriated if you’re even considering it and you’ll miss and soil
yourself.
6. Keep your clothes on - Nobody wants to see this. I know about the bead thing, but use your best discretion. These are family friendly events, there
are kids around, treat them like they are your own. You can still rage, just set a good example and be smart about it.
7. Don’t try and party with the Po Po - Our Police Officers are professionals and they are here to keep us all safe. Treat them with the respect they
deserve. Don’t offer them a beer or a joint. Use your head people. You don’t want your trip down south to go south quickly.
8. Be Kind - Be nice to one another people. Again, a little kindness and respect go a long way. And especially respect our little island. ‘Leave only your
footprints’ is the saying folks.
9. Tip, Tip, Tip - Whether it’s a server, a bartender, or a cab driver, we are all trying to make a living. We are listening to your stories, cleaning up your
vomit, helping you find your hotel, and trying to keep you out of jail, so please tip accordingly. Everyone is working their butts off to insure your good
time, so spread the wealth. If you can afford to drink, you can afford to tip.
10. Don’t Drink and Drive - There are plenty of easy breezy cab services on this island. There is no reason to take the chance or put yourself or others
in harm’s way. Ask practically anyone that works anywhere and they will give you a phone number or call for you. For a small fee you can ensure your
well-being, so you will be here to celebrate in the future.
34 TYBEE BEACHCOMBER | MAR 2019