LOVE, NOT ACTUALLY
A Love Advice Column by a Boy and a Girl Who Should Not Be Giving Love Advice. Ever.
TYBEE BEACHCOMBER | JUNE 2020 33
The Question this month is: How do you tell your significant other they have bad hygiene?
Girl’s Advice:
Oh, hell no!!! Nope on top of nope making more nope! You hooked up with a non-bather? A non-brusher of the teeth? A person that doesn’t care about their
personal scene is not someone you want to share fluid with and you don’t need to say a word. Just leave the relationship. Unfriend. Block. Move to another
country. Change your name. The factoid that you hooked up with them to begin with is icky and I hope to God you were drinking when this all went down.
Now, I’ve never had this problem with someone I’m hooking up with, but I have had the joy of a work relationship smelling south. That was a pickle as she
was a really nice girl, but just had some anti-soap issues. I made the boss handle that and I don’t think he really did, as nothing changed except more fresheners
were added in the break room.
If you are reluctant to let this smelly beast go, you need to go to Bed, Bath & Beyond and get yourself a body beautiful basket and then present it to your other
in no uncertain terms. Do not wishy wash. You tell the truth, throw the basket at them and see what happens. Good luck. Personally, I would leave the country.
Boy’s Advice:
I think this is a first for me. I totally agree with my feminine counterpart. I can’t believe I just said that. If the boy stinks, he’s probably just used to smelling
this way. Guys are typically gross to begin with. Remember guys, when bathing its hair, face, pits, ass, and then feet. Soap runs from top to bottom along with
the water, so use this to your advantage. Also, something, something, something, Sir Isaac Newton. If the girl smells badly, it’s a bit trickier than just proper
bathing rituals as previously mentioned. Girls are complicated. Guys can look past the smelly dreadlocks and hiding B.O. with patchouli if she’s got a sexy hippie
vibe going on. But beyond that, it’s a no-go. There could be underlying health issues as well. Approaching this topic with a female is very dangerous. It’s like
approaching a velociraptor wearing a coat made from meat. It must be done very carefully if you want to survive. Friends are the key. Have their friends talk to
them in a very discreet manor. A friend telling a girl about her issue is a much softer blow to her ego. By the way “Girl’s Advice,” we need to talk.