ADVENTURES IN SEARCHING
By Jem
I was given a gift that has taken me down many roads. Luckily, I didn’t have to travel, thanks to computers, family search organizations, DNA,
and a lot of help! I was adopted at birth and my records were sealed. It can be very frustrating to adoptees to get their birth records open. Not
to mention it requires a lawyer, court filings, fees, and most of all, a compelling reason as to why the records should be open. I’m sure there are
those that had valid reasons, along with the money, to fund it all. For me, I just wanted to know my history. If you love a mystery, you will not
find more entertainment of highs, lows, frustration, and every emotion you can possibly think of in doing a search for family.
Starting with the gift of DNA, I sent it along to one of the many organizations set up to do the lab. They also get you started on family history.
I actually didn’t think of family connections so much as to what my blood lines would be. We’re all a combination of various countries. It was not
a surprise to me to see English. I was tickled to see a percentage of Irish and Scottish though!
The big surprise was when list after list of people showed up on DNA connections! Who are these people? How am I connected? It was a
shock and required a libation or two to mull it all over. What to do with all this information? Was it even possible to find birth connected family?
WOW!
Time for a warning before we start into this. Some people do not want to be found. I know it doesn’t make sense when they have done the
DNA test. Just be prepared for the possibility that they may not respond, although I did find that one of the DNA cousins had passed away. Along
with that, you should be tech smart, and love social media. Those are major downfalls for me. But, if you are very lucky, as I was, there is hope
for you. More on lucky later in this story.
Okay, time to be brave and delve into the unknown. I sent a message to a person who was first on my list as a 1st cousin. Talk about nervous.
I didn’t know what to expect. In an OCD manner, I kept checking my email for a notice from the family organization. He responded and gave
me his email so we could correspond easier. He put me in contact with another listed cousin that does most of the family history. It was an
awesome experience to feel that I have ties to a birth family. Fortunately, the cousins are awesome to know people.
The story doesn’t stop there. The family historian put me on a track to an uncle of his, indicating he could be my father. Apparently, the uncle
was well known for his philandering ways. It was quite possible that he could be my father. This uncle was in the right place and time based on
my history. But after reaching out to a 2nd cousin, his daughter, it just didn’t add up, as she was several names down my list. Back to square
one.
I found that the DNA list, at least in my case, really spreads out all the connecting families. When you start thinking of grandparents, moms
and dads, siblings, marriages, children and all, it can be overwhelming. So I didn’t see some of the obvious clues. And that is when I got lucky.
Lucky came in the form of a cousin (Lucky is a good name for her), who was searching for family history on my adopted family side. I didn’t
think I would have much as history on mom’s side because it was sketchy. There were unmarked pictures though that I sent to her. Lucky was
so happy to find family photos and she knew most of who they were. With that we started a friendship based on family history and how the
searching can be fun. She is knowledgeable and unafraid of tech and social media. Lucky very willingly stepped in and said, “I will help you
look.” Wherever the search takes us, I owe to Lucky. I couldn’t have done this without her.
Here are some of the lessons I learned from Lucky. Look at all the connecting families. Search the family trees to see how they line
out. Create and play with your own DNA tree. Almost immediately, Lucky found a major connection. My grandparents. WHAT? HOW? I had
overlooked the obvious. Never forget that people die, divorce, and maybe commit bigamy. You just never know. As it turns out, my first contact,
a first cousin, is more likely to be a half-uncle. His dad, my grandfather, was married at least 3 times. His first wife died. He then married my
grandmother. From that union, they had 2 girls. Later they divorced, and on his 3rd marriage, my 1st cousin/half-uncle was born.
It was fairly easy to figure out which one of the girls is my mother. Yes, I used current and not past tense. Both girls are still alive! If you know
me, I’m no spring chicken. We ruled out the one as she had a child 3 months after I was born. Regardless of that, neither wish to discuss their
pasts, not even a whisper.
You might think it’s the end of the story. Nope, not yet. Who’s Your Daddy? Contact with half uncle and family historian tells us who the father
might be based on the potential mother’s marriages. So, Lucky is playing with the DNA trees and more information is being gathered.
Another discovery was made of a half or full brother (depending on the father). It was disappointing to find that he passed away about 5 years
ago. Sadly, his wife is not interested in discussing the past. Why? I can’t even guess.
Even with that setback, it continues to be a source of adventure in trying to put all the pieces together. I have met people from Michigan,
Arizona, California, Missouri, and Tennessee. It was also amazing to find out how many other adoptees were on my list. It was a great experience
to have helped one of the adoptees verify who her father was. I have heard many stories, and dark family secrets. As my granddaughter Kate,
once said, “Everyone has a story.”
TYBEE BEACHCOMBER | JUNE 2020 7