LOVE, NOT ACTUALLY
A Love Advice Column by a Boy and a Girl Who Should Not Be Giving Love Advice. Ever.
The Question this month is: Do you sleep with each other on the first date or no?
TYBEE BEACHCOMBER | JULY 2020 33
Girl’s Advice:
This is a good one and has several different answers depending on the situation. Off we go… If you are hooking up on Tinder, Grinder, Ashley Madison, or
Hinge, be prepared to get funky. Shave your parts and wear your best undies. If you are being set up by your parents and their new neighbor’s son/daughter,
then no funky. In fact, don’t shave or wear pretty anything in case you get seduced by some crazy part of your libido. Maybe the fact you are not at your best will
tamp your lust down to allow you to think rationally. Just NO!
Now, if you got hooked up by Match.com, that means you are looking for that ever after thing. No funky for you that same night.
However, if you are just out and about doing your thing with a condom in your pocket, I say hell yes to having a good time with that stripper. Or that cool
bartender who just gave you the eyeball. Or the tourist who is here on their own.
On a personal note though, I don’t care who you are, sex in the bar bathroom is just not cool. Oh, and don’t ____ where you eat. That is gonna come back
and bite you in the ass.
Boy’s Advice:
Ok ladies, this question is mostly for ya’ll. If you didn’t know it before, guys are looking for one thing first, and it’s neither coffee and conversation at Tybean or
a peck on the cheek good night. You’re skewed sense of dating may have been developed by watching too much Carrie Bradshaw or 50 First Dates while eating
chocolate ice cream and crying your eyes out because your boyfriend would rather hang out with the boys. By the way, he’s probably NOT hanging out with the
boys. He’s probably hanging out with a chic who puts out on the first “date.”
The real question here is, who are you? Are you the type of girl who wants a man in her life who is going to treat you with dignity and respect? Or, are you
the type of chic who likes the bad boys and wants to be treated like a Tinder date twice a week, only to be left alone with your feelings of insecurity on a Friday
night and a bowl of Ben and Jerry’s that is salted with the tears of shame and regret?
If you’re too dense to pick up what I’m putting down, I’ll give it to you straight, as painful as it is for me to say. Sex on the first date is not a date, it’s a “hookup.”
Hook-ups have expiration dates. It may last just that night, or it may continue under the guise of a relationship for a few months or so. It will end, and most
likely, it will end badly. Not sleeping together on the first date will lay the groundwork for a relationship that can be built on.
Girls, if you’re into the prior, I’ll be at Tybean Wednesday night. I’ll bring the booze for the coffee, I’m too cheap to take you to a restaurant or proper bar, but
I’m just the type of guy you’re looking for.
/Match.com