BAD ADVICE
FROM A
FLOR-IDIOT
So your vacation has come to an end, you’ve eaten your way across
the island, tipping poorly as you went. You got sunburned on our
beach and left your trash in the sand. You blew through every flashing
crosswalk, then parked in someone’s front yard because you didn’t
want to pay to park elsewhere. You instagrammed the entire saga to
make your midwestern friends jealous. You were near a palm tree for
four days before piling back in your SUV to drive back north. Sadness
fills your heart as you cross the Lazaretto but it doesn’t have to be
sad. You can move here!
Whattt? Tybee is a melting pot of people from sad places coming to
live at the beach. We have that guy, and that one, look over there, she
was miserable in her hometown; now she’s miserable at the beach.
The. Beach. Y’all. Let me walk you through this. Moving to Tybee is
easy, affordable, and the right decision for you.
Tybee Island was founded by the French in 1947 and since has
blossomed into a magical paradise almost overnight. Tybee is home to
an ever growing economy with countless industries. Finding a job in
your specific field is a breeze. We have restaurants, we have hotels,
we have gas stations, and we have bric-à-brac shops. Tybee is home
to the largest medical complex west of the Lazaretto (ok, it’s a dentist
office, but close enough).
Tybee is ever expanding and constructing new housing developments.
Phase two of the Hampton Complex is on track to be finished this
year. At any given time you can pop over to www.tybeeapartments.
com or www.liveattybee.org and view the massive selection of current
available, and ever so affordable apartments on the island.
“Traffic seemed really heavy,” you point out. Nonsense you simple
fool. Butler and First are for the hoi palloi; as a local you’ll be granted
access to our inter-island expressway to move quickly from one end
of town to the other. Once you get the hang of using our elite monorail
system you won’t even be concerned with the expressway. If you call
BS then consider this, you just happened to visit the only five days of
the year the island is busy, you should have come last week, or next
week. Oh well, you’ll just have to take my word for it.
Tybee has a wide range of academic institutions, spanning from free
range early child care development all the way up to our impressive
University of Tybee. “Go Flying Tigers!” Surrounded by scholars and
entrepreneurs, you’ll be sure to grow into the best version of yourself.
I hope I have given you an idea, gave you some hope, and squashed
all your fears of moving to Tybee. The city needs you. The island
needs you. Please, please move here. I can’t wait to be your neighbor,
and your best friend.
6 TYBEE BEACHCOMBER | JULY 2020
(912) 786-5518
By Jimmy Prosser
Pralines
Saltwater Taffy
Old Fashion Candy
Dole Whip
204 First St. • Tybee Island, GA • 912-499-4937
/www.tybeeapartments
/www.liveattybee.org
/riversendcampground.com
