Hello, John. This is a letter from
your yo
older self. I am thirty-one
years ye
old now and am writing
to
to give you some insight as
to to
how this life of yours will
play pla
out. I need to warn
you yo
that you are in for
quite qu
a journey. One
that tha
will unfortunately
be be
filled with much
pain and suffering.
But don’t despair.
Your trials will not
overtake you.
pa
But
You
They will only serve
to make you stronger and give
Dear
Younger Me
you a voice to help others. So don’t lose hope.
God’s unfailing love will help you overcome
every trial.
Cling to the truth of
God’s love at all times,
John, no matter how bleak your circumstances.
His perfect love will always remain just that—
perfect—even when you
are not. It will never fail
you or abandon you.
Now to the details of your life…
From day one, your life will be a challenge.
You’ll be born two months premature to a
mother who is addicted to cocaine. Your wrist
will be so small that your father’s wedding
ring will fit around it. The power of your
mother’s drug addiction will cause her
to abandon you and your father, and
she will be sentenced to five years in
prison. Because of her addictions
and incarceration, you will feel
unloved, abandoned, and
never good enough. Sadly,
these emotions will lead
you down a dark path.
By the age of six, you
will become a thief.
You will take what you
want because you feel
that the world owes you. Your
grandmother will do all she can to mold you
into a respectable man,
but you will resist her
efforts. You will resist the efforts of many in your
young life.
At the age of nine, you will experience sexual
abuse, and that encounter will lead to much guilt
and shame. You have to know, John, this abuse
is not your fault. There is nothing you could have
done to prevent it.
Crooked teeth and untrendy clothes will add
to this shame. By ten years old, you will be so
insecure in who you are and how the world
sees you that you will do whatever it takes to be
accepted. You will lie, cheat, and steal…anything
to blend in with the crowd. You want so badly to
be accepted.
For years, you hold out hope that your mother
will come home. While in prison, she tells you
time and time again that when she gets out,
you’re going to be a family again. But it will never
happen. One day, you and your siblings will go
to pick her up from prison, and you’ll watch her
get into another man’s car and drive off. John, I
need you to realize that this, too, is not your fault.
Her actions will be very confusing and cause
abandonment issues for years to come. You will
turn to relationships and sexual immorality to
comfort your broken heart. You will use physical
intimacy to help you feel validated, but it will only
lead to more heartbreak.
Your heavenly Father
will never give up on
you, even when you are
prideful, arrogant,
In high school, your character, wit, and athletic
abilities will draw lots of attention. You will use
them to your advantage and become a popular,
well-liked athlete. Athletics will be your tool to
vie for the attention of your father…but you will
never receive it. His lack of support will add yet
another layer of hurt to your heart.
Many families will shower real love upon
you during this time, but fear and lack of
understanding will prevent you from accepting
their love. You will hurt these people, John, as
you take out the resentment and anger you hold
against your parents on them. You will burn
every bridge you have, and no one will want you
around.
You will turn to substances to comfort the pain
that is overtaking your heart. For sixteen years, the
comfort of drugs and alcohol will be all that you
live for and will fuel every word you speak and
every choice you make. But drugs and alcohol
will only lead to more suffering. I can’t even
continued on page 14
photography by Timothy Smith/Honor Photography kojministries.org Issue 4 2017 13
by John Draxinger
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