I Finally Belong! by Kasey Gordon
I can describe my childhood in one word:
rejection. It didn’t begin that way, though.
See, in the early years, I had a close-knit
family. Things were good. My mother, who
was a Christian, had a huge influence on my
life. Her relationship with God inspired me to
ask Jesus into my heart when I was nine or ten
years old. But before I could fully grasp my own
relationship with God and grow in it, something
went very wrong.
My mother decided to leave my dad for
someone else. Then my dad remarried and was
always working. Our family was suddenly over.
It seemed that everyone else looked out for
themselves and forgot all about me. It felt like
nobody knew where I was or what I was doing,
and…probably, nobody cared.
Thank God, I was determined to work hard
and finish high school. Then I put myself through
two years of college and moved away from
home to start my own life.
But one big issue remained: I felt completely
rejected and alone. With no family, I never felt
that I belonged to anyone.
I desperately wanted someone in my life,
anyone who would accept me. This desire made
me an easy target for predators. A man nine
years older than me came into my life and took
complete control. He wanted to know what I was
doing every minute of every day. I had never had
someone so interested in me. It felt good. Like
someone finally cared about me.
I was so wrong.
This man brought nothing but destruction into
my life. Over the next seven and a half years, I
was abused and mentally tortured. He constantly
told me I was disgusting and worthless and
stripped me of all confidence. He told me no
one would ever want me but him. And I believed
him.
During those years, this man introduced me
to a variety of drugs and brainwashed me with
teachings of white supremacy, leading me into
a world of hate. Amid all this darkness, however,
two of my greatest blessings came…my two
precious daughters.
As much as I hated my life, I felt I couldn’t
leave. I thought all this negative attention and
control was love. But in reality, I was in my own
prison.
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Then one day, everything changed. This man
did a robbery and went to prison. Finally, the
spell he had over me was broken. I was finally
free from his hold. But I wasn’t free from my
sense of rejection. Loneliness settled in once
again.
I desperately wanted someone to want me, to
treat me nice, and to make me feel loved. This
time it was an ex-youth pastor turned heroin
dealer and user that I welcomed into my life.
Once again, I found myself in a dark world of
destruction, and my out-of-control addictions
added to the darkness.
Then God’s mercy came.
I got a DUI and was sentenced to six months
in a county jail. While incarcerated, everything I
owned was stolen. My house was looted, and my
identity taken by thieves. And of course, I lost my
daughters.
I didn’t just hit rock bottom; I was under the
rocks, totally crushed.
And in that place, I did the only thing I knew
to do—I prayed. I remembered the God of my
youth and slowly started getting into His Word.
And God began to work in my heart.
When I got out of jail, I decided to seek
God, but I hadn’t yet surrendered to Him, and
permanent change didn’t come. I went to church
but returned to drugs. Drugs to church…church
to drugs. It was a constant, defeating cycle.
Then on August 26, 2014, I heard these words:
“You cannot have a relationship with Me and
continue to live like this.” It was time to choose
once and for all between God and drugs. I chose
God and with His help, I walked out of that dark
lifestyle for good, and I didn’t look back.
I pressed into God, and He began restoring
everything I had forfeited and everything the
devil had stolen from me. God gave me back
my freedom, my daughters, my driver’s license,
and finally a car. He even blessed me with a
job at the church I attended. They made me
an administrator. I was welcomed, trusted,
and loved.
Early in my commitment to God, I began to
pray about my husband. I asked the Lord for a
mighty man of God, one I could worship and
serve alongside, a man who would unashamedly
lead our family into a deeper walk with God.
God delivered in a most incredible way!
On Christmas Day 2014, through a chain of
events that only God could arrange, I met my
husband Keith. He was an inmate totally sold out
for Jesus. We had an instant spiritual connection,
and on April 2, 2016, we were married at Franklin
Correctional Institution.
Through Keith, God has shown me what
Christlike love should look like. Keith loves me
as a husband should, and loves my daughters as
his own. Even with the challenge of him being in
prison, I have never been happier.
God has been so faithful to take care of all
our needs. He even made a way for the girls and
me to move near my husband. Our daughters
are flourishing in school, and I’ve been blessed
with an amazing job at a Christian-owned-andoperated
company.
Because of Christ, my life, morals, and
perspective have changed. I am no longer living
in a world of loneliness, hate, and deception. This
former white supremacist now even has a best
friend who is black. God has restored my heart
to love as He does.
I can’t say that I have been an overnight
success story, nor have the painful memories
of my past all disappeared, but in God’s grace, I
am healing a little more each day and becoming
I HeArD ThEsE WoRdS: “YoU cAnNoT
hAvE A rElAtIoNsHiP wItH mE AnD
cOnTiNuE tO lIvE lIkE tHiS.” iT WaS
tImE tO cHoOsE oNcE AnD FoR AlL
BeTwEeN GoD AnD DrUgS.
/kojministries.org