I told Alaina about this story and she said, “Love the story, but we can’t use
that word. I wouldn’t touch it with a ten foot pole.” I suggested that I just use
a word that rhymes with the word the story is based on. After much pleading,
we came up with a solution - for you all to just fill in the blank. Please do not
complain to Alaina if the story is offensive to you. I have hired Helen Wait for
any complaints. That is correct, if you have any complaints go to Helen Wait.
She also handles our credit department.
So a couple of weeks ago, I picked up a group of six from the south end.
They were a mature group of husbands and wives going north about 1:30am.
As normal, they were a little rowdy, but that’s my clientele after dark. As
usual, there is always one in the group a little more rowdy than the rest. We
will call her Linda. From what I could gather from the conversation, another
woman in the bar was getting fresh with the husbands in the group and
Linda was not having it. “I can’t believe that trashy _____ was being such
a _____. Nobody wants to see your _____ you nasty _____!” Her friends
and husband were like, “Linda! Your language.” She just continued on about
what a _____ this _____ was. She must have said it twenty times before
we arrived at their destination. I collected my fare and her friends were
apologizing to me for the foul language. I told them no worries, I had heard
and seen worse.
The very next evening I picked the same group up around 7pm. I rolled
up, opened the door and said, “Good evening you bunch of _____. How are
you tonight?” Linda got on board and said, “I do not care for that word sir.”
I replied, “You were in love with it last night.” Her husband refreshed her
memory from the night before and he and the rest of the crew and I had a
great laugh.
This story reminded me of another night when this word was said. I had
a large group of people going to Poos one quiet winter’s night. The bus was
packed full. I also had a group of 8 waiting at Poos to come south. When
we arrived at Poos there were not many people there and the group I was
bringing there said, “Let’s just go to Wilmington Island.” I told them I could
not carry that many to Wilmington. I said, “You are a group of 16, you are the
crowd and it is still early and Poos gets busy as the night goes on.” I finally
convinced them to get off so I could load the other group and move on.
Well as the groups were inter-mingling getting on and off the bus, I heard
someone call another a ____. I was not the only one who heard the word
and now we had a bit of a rumble about to go down. The guy who said it was
denying saying it and the situation was escalating. I got out of the bus and
broke up the crowd. I was able to get the group of eight loaded up and we
started heading south. I asked, “Who called that lady a ____?” The guy who
said it was a big guy and he said, “I did.” He said, “My mother told me if you
ever call a woman that word make sure she is not married to a mountain. Did
you see the size of that guy?”
The very next night I picked up a group and, lo and behold, there was that
word again. This young woman was telling her out-of-town friend that ____
has a different meaning in the US. Turns out her friend was from Australia.
In Australia the word is a term of affection. It’s like the f word, depending
on how you say it, you could get punched in the face or make people laugh
their asses off. So if you ever call someone a ____, say it with an Australian
accent, therefore you can always explain your way out of a situation that
may have a man as large as a mountain breathing down your neck.
30 TYBEE BEACHCOMBER | MAY 2019
By Ron Goralczyk
BLANK TALES
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