Bartender
Chronicles By Paxton Willis
Selective Hearing Part 4
It’s human nature, wanting to curate and control the world around you. Even just the room around you. It’s satisfying in the way that it scratches our itch to be
in control, in a world where we aren’t in control very often. The need to be taught, scared or lead is also a human element. That’s why we ride roller coasters,
go on safaris, and attend knitting classes. The yearn to discover concepts beyond your depth is intriguing. Like the warrior showing his son to aim the arrow
at the buffalo heart, or Grandma putting the egg in the mac and cheese before she bakes it to hold it all together. It’s born of necessity in some, curiosity in
others. In the culture of drink, both are available. You can control and decide where it is you would like to toss back that bubble tea.
If you want to have a rambunctious romp, go to ____
If you want to sip a ____tini go here…
Looking for coitus? Go there.
You set the terms for the time you intend to have by where you choose to go. Especially if you’re personally familiar with the joint you patronize again and
again. If you’re visiting unfamiliar town or territory it might not be as easy, but asking around should get you a close approximation of the type of place you
would like to attend. It’s just as rewarding and fun to essentially “buy the ticket take the ride” as well. Walk in the door and see what happens. Some of the
best times can be had walking in without the faintest idea what the place is about, grabbing a drink and the holding on for dear life. We choose to be in the
know, or be in the dark, each has its own fun parameters. Some just can’t be happy with either though. Some feel they invariably know what’s best.
The Curator - A common personality we run into is The Curator. The curator is a person with at least moderate familiarity with the establishment they are in.
Someone with knowledge of how the operation normally runs, but wants an entirely new experience tailored to them. They try to accomplish this by either
using the influence of friendship, bartering, or acting like a hooker. If there is a jukebox at the bar, that means you can go stick your cash in and listen to
whichever garbage song makes you forget the bills or the bad relationship decision you’re about to make. If there isn’t, then there’s nothing more annoying
than the chick asking for “Something I can dance to” … Or the “Hey man, you should play that new so and so song cuz my wife likes it” … “I’ll tip ya extra.”
No you freakin’ won’t. I haven’t gotten a single dollar off of those 6 bud lights.
Then there’s the classic “I’ll dance on the bar if you play ____.” Sweetheart, nobody wants you to dance on the bar, besides, those shorts are definitely a health
code violation. A crime against humanity. That being said, it’s not the most terrible thing if you know the bar well, and they aren’t operating at the ambient
standard expected, for a customer to point this out. The monotony of an employee immersed in the culture day in and out might lose sight of the intended vibe
and needs to be reeled back in. The identity should be upheld, the character respected. So that the characters can supply the caricature. Most times though,
it’s just fun to watch the circus, let someone else hold the whip for a while.
40 TYBEE BEACHCOMBER | MAY 2019