LESSONS & LETTERS
Girlfriends & Soulmates
Being a single mom with a 14-year-old amazing daughter in middle
school, the toughest 3 years of her adolescence by far, I try instilling in
her the fact that having “only” two close friends is perfectly fantastic and
normal. It appears there is this added pressure on our children, especially
our young girls, to have lots of friends and the lack thereof promotes a
negative onlook of who they are as teenagers. It affects their self-value. It’s
tough enough being a teenager in today’s world and this added falsehood
of needing to be liked by everyone is conscienceless. I also share with her
that there isn’t a magic number of how many friends you should have, but
if you can fit your friends on one hand, then she is ahead of the game.
Looking back at all my years in school and the people I knew, I currently hold only one of those friendships to this day.
One! Just One. Approaching 40, I now have my 5. I have a full hand of blessings with 5 amazing women. Three of these
women I didn’t meet until I was in my 20s, another in my 30s and then there’s my girlfriend Michelle from high-school.
Two of these 5 women I met backpacking in Europe. They are my true soulmates. They literally have a piece of my soul,
and I have a piece of theirs. Because we now reside in different countries, we are all mothers and have real lives, we catch
up twice a year and make a promise to see one another every 4 years. When we do connect, there isn’t a lot of catching up
to do because, as soul mates, we already know. Therefore, we don’t waste much time reminiscing and we spend more time
moving forward. These two women helped shape the person I became in my twenties and we will always walk with pieces
of one another’s souls.
The other three women, I literally talk to almost every single day. These are the women that always see me in my rawest
form. They stand by me daily in my mistakes and successes, hilarious life moments, tough parenting times, financial
strains, spiritual growth and at times, declines. These women speak to me hard and clear and hold me up with conviction.
These women make me laugh so hard I can’t breathe. They are the ones I can be the most vulnerable with. They have
seen me raw, ripped open, bare skin and completely broken. They have seen me at the top of my game and every place in
between. They protect me harder than they do their spouses. They are the women that I owe my daily personal growth to.
They complete me. Without them, I am not whole. I did not meet them in middle school. They came much later.
Let’s stop suggesting to our young girls this idea of “popularity” and being “accepted.” Let’s teach them about the true
value of finding their own self-worth and to own their own thoughts and actions and provide them with the reality that
the quantity of friendships is not the lesson. The lesson comes from learning that the quality of their girlfriends is what will
enforce their own independence, value, strength and most importantly, their inner growth.
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