By Welsley Turner Franco
HWY. 80, AKA THE TYBEE ROAD
16 TYBEE BEACHCOMBER | NOV 2019
Behind the Tape…
By Sgt. Richard Dascall
Well here we are again. All this pirate nonsense is over and
done with and it’s on to the cold months. Hopefully all of you are
gearing up for Thanksgiving. Before I get started, I’m going to
shamelessly plug one of our programs. We’re having our Junior
Officers Academy starting November 4th. It is every Monday at
7pm and goes over all sorts of interesting things. If you have a
child you’re interested in enrolling, feel free to contact me. Now on
to the good stuff.
I wish I had remembered this story closer to Easter, but the
moral of it goes just as well for Thanksgiving. Several years ago on
an Easter Sunday, a family was having a big get together on the
island. People had come from far and wide to enjoy the day and
even had an Easter egg hunt set up for the kids. It should have
been a nice relaxed day, but of course there has to be one turd in
every punch bowl. The 40 something stay-at-home son of the
family had been hitting the booze pretty hard that morning. This
wasn’t uncommon, but all the people being there made it
especially embarrassing. So as the Easter egg hunt was
happening, the stay-at-home son was very drunk, being loud and
saying inappropriate things in front all the children. In what I
consider to be a completely reasonable request, the father asked
the son to go inside. One thing led to another and the fight was on.
When our officers got there, they were pulling the two apart
surrounded by a group of upset parents and crying children.
Naturally the son went to jail that day. I tell that story to say this,
with the holidays approaching, take a break from the family if you
need to and watch how much you drink. I don’t want to be writing
about any of you next Thanksgiving.
As always, I tell you to lock your car doors and be on the
lookout for anything suspicious. As winter gets here this becomes
especially important. We’ve already had several unlocked cars
broken into and guns stolen from those cars. We’re increasing our
patrols of the neighborhoods, especially at night, but if you see
something that looks out of place, let us know so we can look into
it before it turns into a burglary. Have a great holiday season.
Technically, I should be writing about five other stories that are a must.
However, I am so irritated that I just gotta rant so I can feel better and go
back to what I’m supposed to be doing. Highway 80 can seriously suck
a ___ (noun, body part, bad word)! Now, I totally get that something had
to be done. I do not want to die or get into an accident on that road and
I’m pretty sure no one else does either. However, the recent changes of
removing the passing lane, putting in yellow lines that completely screw
with my peripheral vision and (just to have a third bitchy item) the plants
in the median (and all in that order) are a true test of my patience level
and desire to just go back to the ugliest road rage animal instinct hatred
and quite frankly, the absolute desire to just start running into people’s
cars because of their stupidity! GAH!!
Now, I know that road rage is not good or healthy and can lead to a
variety of problems that most likely involve the hospital, the police, Mike
Hostillo (or a derivative thereof), lots of money and everyone avoiding you
because you lost your shit, but man!!! THE SPEED LIMIT IS 55 Y’ALL!! 55
MILES PER HOUR! Not 35. Not 40. Not 42. I assume that everyone that
owns a vehicle and drives it has passed the standard required-by-state
law driving test. So, what my people, is the problem??!
I understand there are tourists out there and the view is pretty spectacular,
especially on the top of Lazaretto Creek Bridge, but there are people
behind you that need to get to work, have errands and time lines to
attend to, have seen that view a million times and can still shuck and jive
down the road! That goes both ways. Coming on and going off! We got
stuff to do and y’all looky lookers are holding up the queue. I do believe
that is why the car industry invented rear view mirrors. So you could look
up and back and realize that if you have three or more cars riding your
ass, you need to pull the hell over!
The flip side of that aggravating coin are the people that are just total
jerks and pass when they shouldn’t, ride your bumper when you are
already going 60 and just in general being ugh. Both of these types of
people cause accidents to others that are just trying to get from A to B.
Yeah, we all gotta get somewhere, but for the love of sweet baby Jesus,
can you just be considerate of others and either move your butt or slow
down???
Every accident on that road is a no-go for everyone involved. That, my
kids, is a day ruiner! I don’t want to be stuck on Wilmington trying to get
home and can’t because some jerko did something stupid and I don’t
want to be stuck on Tybee when I gotta get to work.
O.K. I feel so much better. One more thing though before I go: Use that
little stick to your left that pokes out of your steering column. I need to
know what your plans are so I can get away from you.