Montessori
Grandparenting
Virtual Relationship Building
by Joyce St. Giermaine, Editor
If it were not for virtual meetings,
FaceTime, and the occasional
video, I would not be
able to interact with my children
and grandchildren, who live in
other states. It has literally been
a year since I’ve been with them
in person.
At the ages of nine and ten, my
grandsons are old enough to understand
Covid, online learning,
and the need for grandparents to
distance. Fortunately, we already
have a great, established relationship,
and they are mature enough
to have real conversations, in
person or online. On the other
hand, with the boys in control
of the phone, tablet, or computer
camera, our interactions often
take on the cinematic quality of
the Blair Witch Project (which
was shot by teens using handheld
cameras). Sometimes Dramamine
™ is required!
I imagine virtual visits must be
much more frustrating when
interacting with very young children.
If you live far away from
your little ones, you have probably
already mastered the art
of virtual visits but, if not, here
are some tips I saw online that
might help.
Match your in-person interaction
with what the grandparent
or virtual friend is trying to
convey. For example, “Oh, I just
wish I could be there to hug you,”
is very unsatisfying for both parties.
If the online person makes
the motion of hugging, mom or
dad on the receiving end can literally
hug the child. Message sent
and received. If grandma blows
a kiss, the child can pretend to
‘catch’ the kiss and can even send
one back.
Create a mutual, meaningful
experience for all parties. Don’t
make a virtual visit a ‘command
performance’ or an after thought:
“Come here and say hi to Grandma.”
Being prepared and excited
makes a big difference.
Make the visit a participation
event. Read a story or book
chapter to children. When possible,
have your child’s favorite
books on both sides of the experience,
so that the child and
video caller can both follow
along, or even take turns reading.
Friendly finger puppets on
both ends of the conversation
can provide a laugh and fun experience.
Yes, it’s fantasy, but it
can get children talking. “How
was your day, Mr. Rabbit? What
did you have for lunch? Did you
eat carrots?” “Nooooo, I had
pizza!” “Pizza? I didn’t know that
rabbits ate pizza!!”
Consult the family historian.
When an older child has a question
about family history (e.g.,
“How big was PopPop’s boat
during the war?”), that’s a great
time to call the family historian.
Even if the ‘historian’ doesn’t
know the answer, a potential research
project has been created
(e.g., “Well it was an LST WW2
ship). Let’s see what we can find
out on the internet …. “
Another current topic of great
interest for my own grandsons
involves big, important conversations
about America’s sad
history of race and social injustice.
I don’t think it’s on their minds
because of news coverage, because
they don’t normally watch
the news. So, I imagine that their
school has found a way to weave
this information into the curriculum,
which is good, but they still
have many questions that require
thoughtful answers.
My grandsons wanted more information
about the Civil War,
their great, great grandfather,
and the Underground Railway.
We have had many conversations
about why Quaker ancestors
helped people of color escape
from Virginia (now West Virginia)
to Ohio and then on to
Canada, which then led to our
not-so-long-ago Canadian roots,
which then led to why relatives
from Scotland ended up in Nova
Scotia (Canada).
Ancestry.com has become a
shared interest that we can enjoy
together from afar, and building
your own family tree might be
fun, especially during lockdown.
In the PBS article cited below,
there’s an interactive game that
has both sides of an online
conversation that can be played
together in real time. Check out
Pinkamazing Family Game. I bet
that there are even more COVID
inspired interactive games. Be
on the lookout.
Resources
www.pbs.org/parents/thrive/
celebrating-birthdays-and-holidaysduring
social-distancing
www.pbskids.org/pinkalicious/
games/pinkamazing-family-game
Editor’s Note: On the subject of social justice, I am no expert, but I do know that a good deed performed by distant
relatives at a very specific moment in history does not give future generations a free pass on systemic racism, nor does
having relatives who were on the ‘wrong’ side of history define who we are today. Tomorrow’s Child welcomes articles for
age-appropriate discussions on this topic.
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