by Maranda
GET YOUR VALENTINE A GIFT CARD
TYBEE BEACHCOMBER | FEB 2018 37
From the
RIVER’S END...
By Woody Hemphill
Welcome back to the month of February, Tybee Nation. This month holds
the public observance of Black History Month, honoring contributions
made by people of color throughout our nation. When I was an upand
coming beach bum growing up in Thomson, GA, my essay on the
life work of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr was chosen to be read in front
of the entire school. That day, my writing got me out of class to read
my offering to the rest of the school in our assemblies. Suffice to say,
my life had direction when I heard the siren song of applause, and the
special treatment provided a strange validation. Years after receiving a
scholarship after branching into theater and performance arts, it wasn’t
lost on me how a 60’s civil rights advocate of color, who died six years
before I was born, contributed to my path to a college education. Let’s
hear it for nonviolent protest!
Speaking of nonviolent protests, the shortest month of our calendar
year also promises a diabetic coma worth of hearts and declarations
of love. A byproduct of this holiday is that those among the single
demographic of the population just want to puke. This year, I’m among
this tribe, and a bit bummed. It’s not that I necessarily need a girlfriend,
but self-preservation tends to take over after nearly freezing my ass off
during Snowmageddon’18. That week, I strongly considered a Star Wars
reenactment in the tent sites at the campground by gutting a taun-taun
and climbing inside for warmth. It turns out they are not indigenous
to Tybee, which is unfortunate because nothing sets the mood with a
special lady friend like a gently-used carcass. Am I right, ladies? What
happened to a girl’s appreciation for rugged individualism? Now that our
resolutions of January have rolled into the explicitly-implied social mores
of February, the expectation of a required love connection for every
living person is entirely too much pressure for most of us. I’m pretty
sure the word February, when translated from Latin, means the dudes
that designed our calendar were obvious sadists. The cultural implication
of mandatory emotional connection is an obvious tactic employed by
fascists, and I will have no part of it.
Then again, if it snows again? We should not be held responsible for
decisions made below room temperature.
This month also brings us Groundhog Day, or as I like to call it the most
lame and awkward date on our calendar. It also reminds me of one of
my most weird and awkward dates of late, except it was ferrets, and not
groundhogs. Close enough. Turns out, I’m highly allergic, so the option to
annually relive one of the more uncomfortable experiences of my adult
life just doesn’t really hold appeal. Those folks in Pennsylvania certainly
have different ideas to validate a holiday. Then again, I almost gutted
a mythical creature on the front lawn, recently. So my assessment of
strange, winter holiday customs may be suspect?
February also holds Mardi Gras for those who prefer to enjoy their
events and festivals in close proximity to ‘the libation experience.’ Folks
on Tybee, like The Big Easy, love a parade! As far as the parade goes, let’s
hope that the island experiences a prolonged warming trend as I confront
the reality that my following in Steve Irwin’s footsteps will not be a viable
career option. Besides, frost on my beads is not a good look for me - and
I’m nothing if not a man of principle. In a cultural world defined by flying
the colors of our favorite sports teams, the refreshing change to green,
purple and yellow offers a chance to expand our wardrobe and keep our
accessory game strong. Several years ago, I invested in a hundred dollar
bill jacket with gold lame’ and came across a set of beads featuring
crawdads – a nod to the Cajun influence. Each year, I enjoy wearing these
duds down Butler in my Tybee version of a makeshift trip to The Big Easy.
Something tells me that this year will not disappoint, either. So many of
us have bunkered down for hurricanes only to dig out and rebuild in time
for the first snow since 1989. We stand ready for a party - and Tybee
never disappoints! Les bon temps roullez, y’all!
THE
ThePinkyNailByMaranda.net