Bartender
Chronicles By Paxton Willis
Selective Hearing Part 3
We have week-long visitors, weekenders and some who show up and never leave. I have met a couple or group of friends their first or second day in town,
had such a good time, knew their drink orders by second meeting and logged their voice profile into the ol database and proceeded to move them ahead
of others. The natural selection is an evolving mass with ebb and flow, it morphs and wiggles in and out of existence like a quantum particle as soon as it’s
observed. But, like the wee particle, some change when they are observed, they accrue entitlement. Some entitlement is ok, you’re entitled to drink and have
fun. You’re entitled to being given what you ask for in as timely a manner as possible, but as with all things, your privileges can be revoked. Like the TV taken
until the homework is done, like the car keys until the report card improves. If you are one of the cool ones and have the undivided ear of your barman, watch
out for these infractions that may cause a demotion in your status among the herd.
The Assist - There’s 2 styles of the assist:
The first for example, is - if I know you and your voice well and you are a high rank in the database, obviously I defer to you above a stranger. If you use this
to get my attention, then point at a stranger behind or near you, who I probably have already seen and have put in my mental queue, you need to check your
credit score, because it went down. The reason you feel at home at our place is because of this queue system where regulars are given preferential treatment,
and the balance is disturbed when you use your power to try and promote someone because they’re next to you and you want to help. You think you’re helping,
but really it’s a cry wolf situation and I’ll be less likely to hop to your call because of fear that it won’t be you I’m helping.
The 2nd kind of assist is the “cool guy” assist. The “cool guy” assist is when you are entertaining out of town visitors or just people who have never been
to your favorite soda fountain. In most cases, I’ll know that this is the situation, and I’ll make every effort to boost your perceived social equity. Guy trying to
impress a girl, I got you. Trying to impress her parents, I got you. Trying to be viewed as generally likable above a family member who gets on your nerves?
I’ll ignore them, pretending to be so engaged and interested in your day that it’ll make them sick. I’m happy to do all manner of things for my people, we’re
all spinning in this cosmos together, we should always try to help each other.
That said, I’ve seen a gross misuse of this concept, a truly vile interpretation. If hosting visitors, and you come into the bar and try to display dominance over
the room and your servers, bossing around, yelling, telling me unnecessarily to “give me my usual,” I know what you freaking drink, do you ever yell that when
it’s just you? No you don’t. So if you think your attempt at bossing someone around or making them out as your subordinate is going to impress the people
with you, you’re trying to impress the wrong people. Get new people, or change yourself, that’s a sad life to live. If your primal instinct is to demean or de-value
and not uplift and expand a person’s self or situation, what’s the point of being in a social construct, booze in hand, if not to unite?
Look at me getting all sappy. The point is simply that if our first instinct is to take care of each other, we’ll have a much better time for a longer time. 4 parts
still might not be enough, let’s just say I’ll see you next month nerds.
40 TYBEE BEACHCOMBER | APR 2019