If you read my part 1, you would have joined me on my first house buying journey about 8 days until closing. The main lesson from part 1 was do your research
and educate yourself because everyone attached to the deal is making money after you send in that 1st offer! And boy did they. We certainly made the closing
lawyers work for their money, or at least the seller did.
Closing Day!
Finally, we’ve come to the end of this “fun” 45 day journey. What to expect? A walkthrough and then closing table! I went in with 0 expectations and the
universe did not disappoint. First rule of part 2, do not, under any circumstances, communicate with the seller directly. It wasn’t all my fault, the seller insisted
they meet the buyers during the 1st showing. Not knowing that was abnormal, we obliged, melted their hearts with my southern charm, and they accepted
our peachy offer. Fast forward when we wanted to show our mother-in-law the property 2 weeks before closing. I gave the old bag of a seller a phone call to
see if that was alright. After a 2 hour out of contract showing, where we were held hostage by store bought coffee cake & dusty bottom shelf old lady stories,
the seller asked if she could keep some gardening tools in the large outdoor storage sheds they were leaving behind until their retirement community had one
available. Damn, just when you think you’re one step ahead of a Yankee. Sure, no problem. BUT I’ve watched enough Judge Judy & People’s Court to know
when to protect yo self! I asked that they be locked and their closing lawyer draft up a zero liability statement pertaining to the items.
Most of you are shaking your heads already, that I just should have told her no, right? Okay, back to closing day. During the walkthrough, the sellers were still
moving out and gave us attitude during the walkthrough with our realtor. Then we noticed that 3 out of the 5 sheds were locked up. Now I’m a good Georgia
Southern Peach and I don’t get in a tizzy until I feel I’m being crossed. Well, when I sat down at the closing table, the lawyer drafted up a clever little one liner
at the bottom of the shed statement and it was all vague and discreet about the liability of the storage sheds. WTF. I said ONE shed & ZERO liability. Now she
had gotten 3 sheds and some ambient, obstacle course of a sentence pretty much holding me liable for any damages. And what if those sheds were full of
drugs, sex, and rock & roll?
Now you’ve crossed me, and the peach started to leak. Not signing that sheddy statement. Next thing we know, we’re getting calls that she’s going to breach
the contract and pull out and we’ll have to take her to court and we’ll never live there and blah blah blah. Guess what? I’m JUST bored enough to sue her ass.
And do you think I’m going to be bullied by some fart smelling, store bought coffee cake serving, mumu wearing, doesn’t turn the AC down past 80 degrees
type of lady on death’s door?? NOPE.
Breathe In
Breathe Out
Well, we got the house and they insisted on removing all the sheds since they were not in the contract and we gave them until 5pm that day. See? I’m a
generous lady. And when we pulled down the street at 5pm on the dot, there they were. The sheds broken into little tiny pieces across the street on the empty
lot SHE owns. She killed the sheds for pleasure and left them there, bleeding in the street for us to see. I didn’t give a shed, I now own a house with a pool on
the water! After staging the house for 2 days, it started to feel like ours and we were happy as a clam!
Part 2 Rule: Let the realtors do their job and just don’t give a shed about being nice to the sellers.
Join me next month for part 3 as we venture through the first 30 days of owning a home. You’ll find out if the 18 year old AC survives the 1st sting of summer,
just long enough for the home warranty to kick in.
Before you go and get feeling all sorry for this poor little old lady, just know the entire street threw a block party after she left because she was such a sandspur
in everyone’s flip flop. Bless her heart.
TYBEE BEACHCOMBER | JULY 2019 31
WTF Did I Just Buy?
Part 2 - “I don’t give a shed”
By Jenny Ellis