By Jimmy Prosser
TYBEE BEACHCOMBER | JULY 2019 7
MMM...So
Good!
cold brew made in house
hours mon-sat: 7:30-5 sun: 8-3
Serving coffees roasted by Batdorf & Bronson
Espresso, cold brew, nitro
On Tap, frappes, smoothies & more!
1213 80 east
Next door to huc a poos in tybee oaks center
912-224-5227
Do you have any free medical advice?
Why of course I do! There’s nothing safer than free
medical advice! Just ask my mom, she’s a doctor,
not that kind of doctor, but a title is a title.
Oral Care - Hear me out. Milk bones. My dog never goes to the dentist
and he eats milk bones. Ok, I don’t have a dog, but if I did I surely wouldn’t
take him to the dentist. Why? Because of Milk Bones. It’s science, don’t
question me. Heathen.
Sunburns - As a pale white person, I have been in the Sunburn Olympics.
Highest I placed was silver. I always lose the gold medal to that Michael
Steade. Have you seen him? Like a ginger snow man driving for Breezy.
If you get a sunburn, the only thing you can do is complain. There is
nothing to alleviate the pain. Edit: I’ve just been reminded of Aloe -
thanks Alaina!
Jellyfish Stings - Don’t pee on each other. You’ll get ticketed for indecent
exposure and become a registered sex offender. Can you imagine having
to go door-to-door and telling all your neighbors you peed on a jellyfish?
This is Tybee, word travels fast. We already know you peed on someone.
Why have to admit to it out loud?
Bee Stings - Ok, those fuzzy little love balls never sting anyone, so how
about wasp stings? I get stung by a wasp every time I steal rosemary out
of the Pomeroy’s front yard. If you are stung by a wasp try swearing, and
Benadryl. I was told to rub pancake batter on the injection site. That did
nothing. Don’t do that.
Tybee Tattoos - For all of you out-of-town folks, this is what we call
our road rash. In a town that permits open intoxication you can imagine
everyone of age has a wipe-out story and the scabs/bruises/scars to
prove it. When I wiped out, I used my face to break my fall. Many of you
may say that sounds dumb, but I didn’t drop my Pabst Blue Ribbon. Am I
a genius? I’d like to think so. Try using your face to break your next fall.
Hangovers - In a town with 3,000 people and 32 bars/restaurants, it’s fair
to assume a lot of our social get-togethers involve alcohol. Occasionally,
one of us has too much and feels crummy the next day. My advice for
this is to lay in bed, take half of a bottle of children’s chewable aspirin,
and wait for certain death. Like sunburns there is little that can be done.
If you were smart you’d be pulling out a pair of scissors, cutting this
column out, and putting it in your first aid kit. I’ll be making in-home first
aid kit inspections at the beginning of next week. Don’t screw this up. I
just might have saved your life, or at the very least, your beer.
/www.tybeeposttheater.org
